Friday Fictioneers – Revenge

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!

FF - Revenge 171004

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

Genre: Crime

Word count: 99

Revenge

The last ferry of the day, with its single, drunk, passenger, shuddered away from the Stag Hotel jetty.

The steward, Jamie, hoovered the saloon.

Laurence Glanville, the owner of the Stag Hotel, wasn’t going to be enjoying Catriona any more, gloated Jamie, as he took a small, heavy package from his locker. He hastily concealed it as the mate approached.

He glared at the drunk.

“Dinna puke on ma floor, laddie!”

The mate nodded and went to the wheelhouse.

Swiftly Jamie dropped the package into thirty fathoms of water.

On the mainland, flashing blue lights hurtled towards the port.

57 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Revenge”

  2. Oh, my word, what has the lad put in that package – my mind turns to very dark thoights … bloody ones. Nice scene you created there, Penny, with the drunk and the late working steward. Funny, I thought of Scotland too – must be those pines by the water 🙂

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    • Thank you for reading and commenting, Bjorn. It would be nice to think he would be caught, but I suspect he won’t be convicted. Yes, he had a grudge against Laurence; yes, he had a quarrel with him that evening; but with no physical evidence to link him to the crime, I suspect the police will struggle to gain a conviction…
      With best wishes
      Penny

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    • No need to hide the body, Alice – just the gun and silencer. Jamie will admit he saw Laurence, admit he had a quarrel with him, and deny he shot him. Without the gun, the police will be pushed to get a conviction as all the evidence will be circumstantial.
      But has Jamie got the courage to stick to his story, I wonder?

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  16. If there are flashing blue lights heading for the port, then I guess that someone has radioed the police. I’m wondering if Jamie has contacted them to set up the drunken Laurence as the murderer of Catriona. Just a thought. The story works well, Penny, as it leaves your readers guessing.

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    • Thank you for reading and commenting, Alicia. There’s certainly story before and after this piece of flash fiction. How did Laurence win the fair Catriona? Did Jamie get away with murder? Who knows!
      With best wishes
      Penny

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  21. Dear Dahlia,
    This is my version of the back story.
    Jamie is the steward on the ferry. He used to be engaged to a girl named Catriona. A rich man, Laurence, bought the local hotel, and Catriona left Jamie to marry the rich man. On the night of the story, Jamie took a revolver, and went to the hotel. He argued with Laurence, who took him into his office so that the argument didn’t disturb the guests.
    In the office, Jamie shoots Laurence dead.
    He packs up the gun in a small package and takes it onto the ferry. The flash fiction tells us how he disposes of the gun, by throwing it overboard when nobody is looking.
    Meanwhile, the police have been called, and are racing to meet the ferry.
    Thank you for asking for the explanation; I’m sorry you needed to do so.
    With best wishes
    Penny

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    • Ah thank you Penny for the explanation. I came back to read it and I did see the glimmerings of what you just told me. I think I was confused by Catriona – I thought it was the name of the ferry – my bad!

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      • Wow! It so easily could have been the ferry! That had never occurred to me. I’m not surprised you were misled. My bad, not yours! And thank you for pointing out the ambiguity.
        With best wishes
        Penny

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  26. Hi Penny,
    Even i felt lost, wasnt aware of what Catriona was. (may be a reframing of that sentence would have helped. Becuase even after re reading the prompt again, the fact that Lawrence is dead and hence cant enjoy Catriana isnt clear. It can be that Catriana is the one dead or Catriana did something horrible to Lawrence)
    But when a 100 word limit it applied, sometimes we feel helpless.
    That said, i like the story the way it is because there are so many things left for the reader to imagine. And the blue lights, and heavy thing out of locker makes it clear that there has been something wrong done by Jamie. 🙂

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    • Hi Ritika
      Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I think you’re completely right. The story would have been stronger if I’d made it clear that Laurence was dead.
      It wasn’t so much the 100 word limit that led to the shortcomings, but the time. I always like to publish my contribution as early as possible. I edit carefully, and I have a good reader who points out where it doesn’t work (usually her comment is “But this isn’t a story…!”), but the stories would be better if I left them overnight and reworked them the following day.
      Once again, thank you for the care you put into reading and commenting – it’s much appreciated.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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