Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
I let them be
The sun dropped towards the sea. Its glare dazzled me as I looked out from my apartment.
A couple of lads were lounging on the rocks below. Every so often they would crumple an empty can of cider and toss it onto my balcony; I heard a girl giggling.
I let them be.
It was dark when I heard shouting and went onto the balcony.
“What’s the matter?”
“My mates went for a swim and I can’t see them.”
The girl burst into tears.
I called the emergency services but it was no good. They didn’t even find the bodies.
Autumn Leaves 
Someone should have restricted their cider supply. It doesn’t pay to let them be.
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Thank you for the kind comment Larry. I’m glad the feelings of guilt came across.
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A harsh poetic justice
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Indeed, yes. Unfortunately it happens. This is a true story in the sense that a couple of lads were drowned after drinking themselves silly; it didn’t happen by my apartment though – it was the next bay along.
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sad story with a lesson, something kids won’t learn until it’s too late.
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Yes, young men often feel they’re immortal, don’t they? Unfortunately they sometimes discover that they’re all too vulnerable. Thank you for your comment.
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I liked how you built this story to its tragic conclusion. Nicely done, Penny.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Susan. I’m glad you enjoyed the way I constructed the story.
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Had she said anything, would it have made any difference? Probably not, I hope she doesn’t feel too guilty. Good take Penny.
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When tragedy strikes close like that, you never know what might have made a difference. I don’t think she felt too guilty, but she’ll always wonder. Thanks for your nice, detailed comment.
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Something to be earned? Perhaps?
But it is not our job to police the world. Responsibility comes hard, and guilt is an excedingly unpleasant mistress.
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No, it’s not our job to police the world. However, reaching out with empathy can change relationships and actions. I agree that guilt is an exceedingly unpleasant mistress.
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Grim ending to an otherwise innocuous day. You set it up brilliantly, Penny.
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Dear Dora, thank you for your very kind comment. Disaster often erupts quite suddenly and unexpectedly, doesn’t it?
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I hope their bodies have been washed safe on another shore.
May they wake up there and resolve never do such dangerous swims again.
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I hope you’re right. That would be a happier ending than the one I imagined.
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It’s amazing how invincible the young think they are. I sometimes wonder whether I ever had that degree of confidence at that age.
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I expect you did! In fact, as a narrow-boater in a foreign country, I should say your adventurous spirit lived on long after teenage years!
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Dear Penny,
The narrator’s guilt is tangible. What if she hadn’t let them be? Would they have listened. Would the outcome have been any different? Well written with subtleties between the lines.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for the generous and detailed comment. Guilt is an odd thing; a very slippery customer!
Shalom
Penny
xx
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Succinct. Loved it!
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Brief and to the point. Appreciate it! 🙂
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It’s hard not to feel guilty, misplaced as it is. They wouldn’t have listened anyway. A sad and very real tragedy.
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You’re almost certainly right that they wouldn’t have listened. Such a terrible waste of lives.
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Truly.
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Sounds about right. Alcohol and water don’t mix. Well-told story.
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Oh, you are so right that alcohol and water don’t mix. Thank you for the kind comment.
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You are welcome.
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Young men should come with a health warning. Good piece.
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You’re right, Rob. Thank you for the kind comment.
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The narrator’s guilt comes through but that at that age everyone thinks they are invincible.
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Yes, it’s hard to convince a young man that he’s not immortal. Thank you for the comment.
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Something that will haunt her forever. What if? Why?
Here’s mine!
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I doubt they would have listened anyway. People who think it’s okay to chuck cans onto someone’s property rarely do. It’s a shame they didn’t get to learn from the experience, though.
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
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Wow Penny, this is dark for you. I enjoyed the story. How quickly life can change.
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I’m glad you enjoyed the story. I’ve tried to stay upbeat recently, but it’s not really an upbeat prompt, is it?!
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That’s cider for you. There is a kind of sad feeling along with a sense that says, why can people be so stupid, That’s cider for you!
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As you say. Mind you, I daresay lager would have done the same job. Thanks for the kind comment.
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Some people will never understand how rough the sea can be.
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Thank you for commenting. Sadly, what you say is true.
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Tragic story. I can just imagine the narrator wishing that if he/she hadn’t let it be and had done something, those kids might still be alive.
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That’s always the thing, isn’t it? You might have done something. Even if it was calling police to stop the lads littering and being anti-social, that could have seen them move on away from the place of danger.
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How tragic! Drinking and swimming is just as dangerous as drinking and driving. Great storytelling.
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Yes, drinking and swimming is a very bad idea. That’s the trouble with drinking – sometimes it makes bad ideas look quite attractive, doesn’t it?
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That’s why I don’t drink. 😊
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