Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
I have to confess that I’m not quite sure where today’s story came from. It’s an emotional response to the prompt.
Murder in the cathedral
On to the dead go all estates,
Panting, I crouch, hidden behind the High Altar.
Princes, prelates, and potentates,
The Dean manages to wrest a sword from the grasp of one of the murderers; blades clash. A jet of blood, bubbling with his mortal scream, sprays over the altar, while the assassins’ ring-leader bays in triumph. They skewer the Archbishop as he babbles prayers, shrinking into his Cathedra.
Both rich and poor of all degree;
Will they butcher me too? I’m only a monk. I have no part in great events. I tell my rosary, shuddering.
Timor mortis conturbat me.
Notes
The story is written interleaved with a stanza of “Lament for the Makers” by William Dunbar. I first wrote the story using the original words, but that looked a little daunting, so I turned them into present day English. The final line of the stanza is Latin, and means “The fear of death troubles me”.
Murder in the cathedral
On to the ded gois all estatis,
Panting, I crouch, hidden behind the High Altar.
Princis, prelotis, and potestatis,
The Dean manages to wrest a sword from the grasp of one of the murderers; blades clash. A jet of blood, bubbling with his mortal scream, sprays over the altar, while the assassins’ ring-leader bays in triumph. They skewer the Archbishop as he babbles prayers, shrinking into his Cathedra.
Baith riche and pur of al degre;
Will they butcher me too? I’m only a monk. I have no part in great events. I tell my rosary, shuddering.
Timor mortis conturbat me.
Really cool. I love the language here.
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Dear Josh
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.
With best wishes
Penny
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A terrible event in God’s abode. What a sacrilege!
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Dear Abhijit
Thank you for reading and commenting. It was indeed a terrible act.
With best wishes
Penny
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History always gives Thomas an easy ride here. I have a sneaking sympathy for the King. I loved the interleaving experiment
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed my experiment with interleaving. Rochelle’s post last week was my inspiration for the technique.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
Graphic and brings the carnage up close and personal. I like the Latin version better even if I didn’t understand it…that’s what Google’s for. Well structured.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. The interleaved construction was cribbed from your post last week – thank you for that!
Shalom
Penny
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Lovely writing, but I wasn’t too sure what I was reading, so thanks for your explanation. Fascinating stuff (my only concern being: would it have worked without that explanation?)
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s helpful to learn that the structural device I was experimenting with didn’t quite work for you. The theory is that the lines of poetry set out the thesis that death is inevitable and frightening; the prose story then makes that more vivid and immediate. Or, you could view it the other way round. The prose story tells of a medieval murder in a cathedral, to which the lines of the poem add a commentary. The two should work together to make the whole experience more involving – I obviously have more work to do!
So, this sort of constructive criticism is very helpful, and thank you very much for it!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I do like the weight the original Latin brings – even though I wouldn’t be able to understand it! Interesting response Penny.
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the weight of the original stanza.
With very best wishes
Penny
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It is good and important to experiment. I had to work at visualising this, but that made the experience all the better
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Dear Michael
Thank you for reading, and for your very kind comment. You’re right about the importance of experimenting, and it’s sweet of you to give me such encouragement.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Lovely writing and even though I admit being flummoxed by how the story came to be from the photo, I know the world of muse revolves in mysterious ways … 🙂
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Dear Na’ama
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.
There was something desolate and frightening about the scene that the photograph showed, but I couldn’t pin it down.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Well, it was fun regardless!
BTW, I can see how it would have a component of fright to it. These things do resemble a nest of pre-strike cobras … 😉
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Gosh, yes, you’re absolutely right! And my bad feeling was definitely mostly to do with the sculpture – although the absence of people in the foreground felt rather desolate, too.
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Yeah! Well, maybe associations aren’t THAT wild after all, eh? 😉 Well done, either way! 🙂
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Cleverly constructed. I look at this as the wheat being separated from the chaff, with mortals and Gods realize who is who.
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Dear Jade
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the construction.
With best wishes
Penny
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You are welcome, Penny.
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I’m afraid the monk’s a gonner too. Unless they want someone left alive as a warning. Nice one!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m hoping the killers don’t realise I’m squatting behind the altar…
With very best wishes
Penny
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Yes, in those days the Bishops and clergy ruled with iron fists and murder in the Cathedral seemed to be a pastime for the royalty at the time.
Well told.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, the two big powers in the land were church and monarch and, like all controlling powers, they struggled constantly for supremacy.
With very best wishes
Penny
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It’s good to try something different, especially in the short fiction in which we indulge each week. I think this worked well. Very effective.
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading and for your encouraging comment. I agree that it’s good to try new techniques. I’m a bit timid about actually doing it though!
With best wishes
Penny
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Delightfully different. We can only hope the monk remained hidden and survived.
Click to read my tale
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I’d like to hope that the monk survived, and I think perhaps he did. The murderers were more interested in making their escape than in searching for possible witnesses.
With best wishes
Penny
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Interweaving lines of a poem or song with the story is something I have done a few times with, I think, some success.
I think this works for you too, although I confess that the relevance to the prompt was beyond me!
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Dear CE
Thank you for reading and commenting. The relevance of the story to the prompt is emotional. The prompt looked desolate, with the foreground almost devoid of people and a portable toilet prominent. The slogan on the “art-work” translates as “plugged into your event” which seemed like rather bitter sarcasm. The whole thing gave me a feeling of desecration.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Thanks for the explanation,Penny. I read it a few times to get the concept.
Kudos to youfor navigating these waters.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Isadora 😎
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Dear Isadora
Thank you for reading and for your encouraging comment. I’m glad the explanation helped.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Scary and interesting at the same time.
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Dear Bernadette
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the mix of scary and interesting.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I like this experiment, the interwoven lines of poetry add a certain depth to the story. Well done!
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Dear Kelley
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed my experiment with interleaving.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Very well written. Great word choice.
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Dear Tannille
Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you for the comment on word choice. I was aiming to choose powerful, violent words for the violent story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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i recently visited the canterbury cathedral where archibishop becket was murdered by knights during the middle ages. it looks like this story was somewhat inspired by that tragedy.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment. You’re right; the story was inspired by Becket’s martyrdom in Canterbury cathedral. As I’m sure you know, though, it’s not by any means a re-telling of that story; it’s not historical fiction!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I’m taking this as King Henry VIII sending his soldiers to take over the property of the Catholic Church. From what I’ve read it was very brutal. I’m not sure but that’s what it sounds like to me. Well written, Penny. 🙂 —- Suzanne
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Dear Suzanne
Thank you for reading and commenting. It could well be a story about Henry VIII’s seizure of church assets. The poem was written somewhat earlier than that, but the sentiments expressed are just as valid. In fact, if you live in the Yemen, or are a member of a persecuted minority, the verse is as valid today as it was then.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Hoping the monk survived the horrors of the massacre. A very creative piece!
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Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I, too, hope the monk survived.
With very best wishes
Penny
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This is very cool and it works perfectly in both versions. But is this Latin or some mix of Latin and old English?
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Dear Gabi
Thank you for reading and for your kind – and thoughtful – comments. You are right of course. The last line of the stanza is Latin; the other three lines are middle English or rather, to be more precise, middle English/Scottish.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Very creative take. Great writing.
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Dear Lisa
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the take on the prompt.
With best wishes
Penny
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