Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook
The Big Day
Angela, four years old, was having fun.
Northern Telecom were having an open day. Daddy had taken her through the wrought iron gates, and a man in uniform had saluted her!
“Is this where you work, Daddy?” she asked, gazing round-eyed at the huge office with its desks and workstations.
Then they’d gone out the back. There was a picnic (with cakes!), and a bouncy castle.
While Daddy was talking, Angela wandered off and stared through the safety barrier at the river.
“Could I squeeze through and paddle?” she wondered.
But Daddy’s strong hands lifted her high.
“Yippee!” she squealed.
Whew! For a moment, I feared the worst.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. Sometimes the happiest endings are those that are nearly tragic.
All the best
Penny
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What a good daddy to not let work distract him from the bigger picture.
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Dear Alice
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, he’s a good daddy, and little Angela loves him to bits!
With best wishes
Penny
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If you started with her thought about paddling, you could make the tension greater
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and for the helpful concrit. Yes, that’s a very good idea; it would definitely increase the tension.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Even the nicest of circumstances can have the scariest moments.
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Dear Larry
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right, especially when children are involved; my children gave me some heart-stopping moments!
With best wishes
Penny
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Hurray for observant parents and happy endings. 😊
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Dear Christine
Thank you for reading and commenting. I was glad to write a happy ending this time; my recent stories have been grim!
With best wishes
Penny
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Thank goodness for that!
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, a happy ending. Phew!
With best wishes
Penny
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A happy tale😊
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Dear Vivian
Thank you for reading and for your nice comment. I enjoyed writing about little Angela; she’s a sweetie!
With best wishes
Penny
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My pleasure, Penny. I’ve just done mine 🙂
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Happy ending, thank goodness. Well done Daddy – and such fun for Angela to have him take her out.
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Dear Jilly
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, I had fun writing about Angela’s special day out with her dad!
With best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
Angela has a good daddy and it’s nice that he’s taken time to spend a day with her. Sweet tale.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed my tale. I think Angela’s daddy had as much fun as Angela did!
Shalom
Penny
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Goes to show parents have to be hyper-vigilant, especially in these types of gatherings. Glad you didn’t have her drown on us!
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, we have to be very careful. When I think of some of the near misses mine had, I’m almost surprised they made it adulthood!
I didn’t want to write yet another grim ending – besides, an ending which is happy because something doesn’t happen, is technically quite challenging to write in an interesting way, so it was fun to try!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Same here. They’ve given me my share of scare too!
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Thank goodness for daddy’s hands!
Nice story.
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Dear Dawn
Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank goodness for all good dads everywhere, as they provide a safe pair of hands day after day.
I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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Whew! For a moment I thought she was going to slip through and then Daddy saved the day.
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Dear Subroto
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Yes, sometimes life’s like that; danger comes, and just before disaster there’s a rescue. Good old Daddy!
With best wishes
Penny
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It helps to have eyes in the back of your head as a parent. You had us all worried there for a moment!
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading and commenting. Eyes in the back of your head, supersonic earsight, and telepathy are all helpful for a parent!
With best wishes
Penny
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I was so worried for Angela.
Great tension, Penny. How nicely you have portrayed the thin dividing line between life and death. And, how love can save us and give us life.
Lovely story, Penny.
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Dear Moon
Thank you for reading, and for your lovely comment. I’m glad you felt the tension. What a lovely moral you draw from the story, that love can save us and give us life. It’s a sentiment with which I agree 100% but its inclusion in the story was accidental rather than planned, I’m afraid.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Cute story with a gentle moral
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Dear CE
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found the story cute; with a four-year-old main character it could hardly be otherwise!
With very best wishes
Penny
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A lovely story with, thankfully, a happy ending. I’m glad you resisted temptation. On a technical level, here’s something to think about, though I haven’t reached a conclusion on it – and that’s the use of parenthesis in fiction. It jarred with me, and I realise I’ve often resisted that temptation for some instinctive reason. I googled it, and though I don’t have a definitive conclusion, this link encapsulated some of my reservations about it. https://astheheroflies.wordpress.com/2016/06/03/using-parentheses-in-fiction-writing/
I’d be interested to know what you think.
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
Thank you very much indeed for the link – I’m delighted when people offer me ways to improve my writing. I really appreciate the time you spent analysing what the issue was, and finding the link that explained it.
I had reservations about the parentheses, and I wasn’t quite sure why. I tried commas, and other devices, but nothing quite accomplished the effect I wanted except the brackets. And I didn’t know why! And you’ve sent me the link that explains why – hooray!
My story is universal pov, but it focuses very heavily on Angela. The parentheses slip us briefly (for two words!) into her pov. I wanted to show that her day out included her very favourite thing, namely cake, and I could feel that brackets did that in a way that nothing else could.
Strangely enough, yesterday I was reading a crime story by Ngaio Marsh, and on about page two, she strays from universal pov to the pov of one of her characters. Did I notice? – you bet! So I see exactly why you said what you did, and I shall be (even more) wary of parentheses in my stories in future!
With grateful thanks for your concrit, and very best wishes
Penny
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What a delightfully joyous piece of flash fiction, Penny. Such a doting Dad, balancing his work and family commitments. I like there is no mention of the mother. Hopefully nothing more sinister than having a well deserved day off!
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Dear Kelvin
Thank you for reading and your very kind comments. Mum have a day off?! They’ve got two other kids who need taking to swimming practice, and ballet and then together to Taekwando, and in the afternoon…!
Yes, it was Angela’s day to have Daddy all to herself; the two of them had a great day (Daddy likes cake almost as much as Angela!)
With very best wishes
Penny
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Haha – I don’t remember those days at all!
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I felt her childish enjoyment of the day. Being with Daddy, visiting his workplace, cake and her inquisitiveness about the water. You captured many feelings in your 100-word tale: happiness, love, watchfulness and pride – otherwise Daddy wouldn’t have brought this little cutie to the party.
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Dear Alicia
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comments. I’m delighted the feelings came through in the writing.
With very best wishes
Penny
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good timing. a possible accident averted. a sigh of relief.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and commenting. Angela’s Daddy spotted her in time!
With best wishes
Penny
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Phew, my heart sank there for a moment 🙂
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. There are so many dangers in the world – and yet somehow our kids survive them!
With best wishes
Penny
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I remember when my dad took my (then) little sister to his office. She was always the curious type and went and grabbed a live electric wire. Dad used to always keep an eye open on our whereabouts when we are outside our home and he immediately kicked her hand away from the wire. The whole incident happened only for a matter of seconds but could have turned out a lot worse in a different life. Now, I’m a father and I always keep an eye on my little one. Your story brought back memories, Penny. A nice, feel good one at that. Thanks. 🙂
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Dear Varad
Thank you for reading and for sharing one of your personal experiences. Your poor little sister! I’m really glad she was ok. I bet you’re a great dad!
With best wishes
Penny
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An elegant tale. Loved the happy ending.
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Dear Yarnspinnerr
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re very kind to say that the tale is elegant, and I’m glad you liked the happy ending.
With best wishes
Penny
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Always welcome. 🙂
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You gotta keep an eye on them. Great story.
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Dear Snow
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, you need eyes in the back of your head when you’re looking after a four-year-old!
With best wishes
Penny
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Aw. Sweet, happy story with a happy ending. Great stuff.
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Dear Linda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’ve been feeling particularly happy since the snow went, so probably that spilled over into the story! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
With best wishes
Penny
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Thank goodness for Dad! Parents develop extra eyes and ears just to prevent this sort of disaster! A happy ending.
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Dear Fatima
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right; as a parent you have a sixth sense, don’t you? One of my warning signs was when the chatter stopped…quick! What are they doing!
With best wishes
Penny
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Phew, I’m relieved you had a happy ending! 🙂
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Dear Landofimages
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the happy ending.
With best wishes
Penny
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If it had been a movie, I would have shut my eyes as I murmured, “Oh no!” I’m happy you created a father with a watchful eye. 🙂
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Dear Jan
Thank you for reading and commenting. It happens so quickly with kids. I don’t think Angela would have been able to squeeze through the gap, but I’m glad we didn’t have to find out!
With best wishes
Penny
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I was so glad for Daddy’s strong hands.
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Dear Righteousbruin
Thank you for reading and commenting. Daddy’s strong hands are good for many tasks; saving a four-year-old is all in the day’s work!
With best wishes
Penny
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Such a sweet childhood tale!
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Dear Lavanya
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the tale.
With best wishes
Penny
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Daddy to the rescue! Phew!
Memorable trip indeed!
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Dear Anita
Thank you for reading and commenting. Great to know her dad was watching and ready when needed!
With best wishes
Penny
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Oh yay a happy ending! Great story Penny. It sure does sound like a big day!
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Dear Laurie
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, it was a day that both Angela and her dad will remember with pleasure for a long time!
With best wishes
Penny
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PHEW … children can be so quick to escape our glances. It looks like Dad was vigilent in making sure she was safe. Lovely tale, Penny. A lovely take on the photo prompt.
Isadora 😎
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Dear Isadora
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, children can be in danger before you even notice anything’s wrong. Angela’s dad was very alert that day. I’m glad you liked my take on the prompt!
With best wishes
Penny
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Glad she had an observant parent. I was expecting a sad ending.
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Dear Irene
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Despite seeing the war memorial in the picture, the prompt still gave me a very positive feeling. I could visualise the place in sparkling sunshine, with a bouncy castle. I couldn’t have a sad ending with that image in my mind!
With best wishes
Penny
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A good ending! 🙂
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Dear Sascha
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you thought the ending was good.
With best wishes
Penny
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I love that you told this tale from Angela’s POV. The end was so natural for a four-year old.
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Dear Russell
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m delighted you enjoyed Angela’s story. Yippee!
With best wishes
Penny
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That felt like a near miss, Penny. A tragedy thankfully averted. Could have been a very different tale by the end but I’m glad you finished on such joy. I wonder how many of us had near misses as children which we’re not even aware of? My Nan thought I wouldn’t survive infancy (a blood condition that’s treated as pretty routine these days) – what if she’d been right? Making my brain turn in a very good way 🙂
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting.
If your Nan had been right, we’d have been the poorer for not having your wonderful talent.
I think near-misses are quite common. I remember one when my son ran across the patio in our garden, intending to jump down the three feet or so to the next level. He caught his foot on the edge, and fell forwards. I saw. My heart stopped. He did a full 360 in the air, landed on his feet, and kept running…How that wasn’t a broken neck I’ll never know!
With best wishes
Penny
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Oh, my word! Poor you. It must have made you feel so sick seeing him tumble like that, though of course he just kept on running and thought nothing of it! My mother in law tells a tale that she went in to see my husband when he was a baby, just to watch him sleep. She realised he wasn’t breathing. In a panic, she picked him up, gave him a shake and he started breathing again. Perhaps she was wrong and he’d just paused (as they sometimes do, just to give us a fright!) but maybe she was right. My life would have been every different if so.
Thank you for your kindness, Penny 🙂
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A beautiful story with just enough tension to make me concerned. Their relationship is so strong and beautiful.
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Dear Athling
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the strength of their relationship came across.
With best wishes
Penny
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