Friday Fictioneers – The Big Day

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!

FF - Open Day 180307

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

The Big Day

Angela, four years old, was having fun.

Northern Telecom were having an open day. Daddy had taken her through the wrought iron gates, and a man in uniform had saluted her!

“Is this where you work, Daddy?” she asked, gazing round-eyed at the huge office with its desks and workstations.

Then they’d gone out the back. There was a picnic (with cakes!), and a bouncy castle.

While Daddy was talking, Angela wandered off and stared through the safety barrier at the river.

“Could I squeeze through and paddle?” she wondered.

But Daddy’s strong hands lifted her high.

“Yippee!” she squealed.

79 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – The Big Day

    • Dear Dale
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, we have to be very careful. When I think of some of the near misses mine had, I’m almost surprised they made it adulthood!
      I didn’t want to write yet another grim ending – besides, an ending which is happy because something doesn’t happen, is technically quite challenging to write in an interesting way, so it was fun to try!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I was so worried for Angela.
    Great tension, Penny. How nicely you have portrayed the thin dividing line between life and death. And, how love can save us and give us life.
    Lovely story, Penny.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dear Moon
      Thank you for reading, and for your lovely comment. I’m glad you felt the tension. What a lovely moral you draw from the story, that love can save us and give us life. It’s a sentiment with which I agree 100% but its inclusion in the story was accidental rather than planned, I’m afraid.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Like

  2. A lovely story with, thankfully, a happy ending. I’m glad you resisted temptation. On a technical level, here’s something to think about, though I haven’t reached a conclusion on it – and that’s the use of parenthesis in fiction. It jarred with me, and I realise I’ve often resisted that temptation for some instinctive reason. I googled it, and though I don’t have a definitive conclusion, this link encapsulated some of my reservations about it. https://astheheroflies.wordpress.com/2016/06/03/using-parentheses-in-fiction-writing/
    I’d be interested to know what you think.

    Like

  3. Dear Sandra
    Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
    Thank you very much indeed for the link – I’m delighted when people offer me ways to improve my writing. I really appreciate the time you spent analysing what the issue was, and finding the link that explained it.
    I had reservations about the parentheses, and I wasn’t quite sure why. I tried commas, and other devices, but nothing quite accomplished the effect I wanted except the brackets. And I didn’t know why! And you’ve sent me the link that explains why – hooray!
    My story is universal pov, but it focuses very heavily on Angela. The parentheses slip us briefly (for two words!) into her pov. I wanted to show that her day out included her very favourite thing, namely cake, and I could feel that brackets did that in a way that nothing else could.
    Strangely enough, yesterday I was reading a crime story by Ngaio Marsh, and on about page two, she strays from universal pov to the pov of one of her characters. Did I notice? – you bet! So I see exactly why you said what you did, and I shall be (even more) wary of parentheses in my stories in future!
    With grateful thanks for your concrit, and very best wishes
    Penny

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I felt her childish enjoyment of the day. Being with Daddy, visiting his workplace, cake and her inquisitiveness about the water. You captured many feelings in your 100-word tale: happiness, love, watchfulness and pride – otherwise Daddy wouldn’t have brought this little cutie to the party.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I remember when my dad took my (then) little sister to his office. She was always the curious type and went and grabbed a live electric wire. Dad used to always keep an eye open on our whereabouts when we are outside our home and he immediately kicked her hand away from the wire. The whole incident happened only for a matter of seconds but could have turned out a lot worse in a different life. Now, I’m a father and I always keep an eye on my little one. Your story brought back memories, Penny. A nice, feel good one at that. Thanks. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Varad
      Thank you for reading and for sharing one of your personal experiences. Your poor little sister! I’m really glad she was ok. I bet you’re a great dad!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Like

    • Dear Fatima
      Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right; as a parent you have a sixth sense, don’t you? One of my warning signs was when the chatter stopped…quick! What are they doing!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Like

    • Dear Jan
      Thank you for reading and commenting. It happens so quickly with kids. I don’t think Angela would have been able to squeeze through the gap, but I’m glad we didn’t have to find out!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Like

    • Dear Isadora
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, children can be in danger before you even notice anything’s wrong. Angela’s dad was very alert that day. I’m glad you liked my take on the prompt!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Irene
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      Despite seeing the war memorial in the picture, the prompt still gave me a very positive feeling. I could visualise the place in sparkling sunshine, with a bouncy castle. I couldn’t have a sad ending with that image in my mind!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That felt like a near miss, Penny. A tragedy thankfully averted. Could have been a very different tale by the end but I’m glad you finished on such joy. I wonder how many of us had near misses as children which we’re not even aware of? My Nan thought I wouldn’t survive infancy (a blood condition that’s treated as pretty routine these days) – what if she’d been right? Making my brain turn in a very good way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Lynn
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      If your Nan had been right, we’d have been the poorer for not having your wonderful talent.
      I think near-misses are quite common. I remember one when my son ran across the patio in our garden, intending to jump down the three feet or so to the next level. He caught his foot on the edge, and fell forwards. I saw. My heart stopped. He did a full 360 in the air, landed on his feet, and kept running…How that wasn’t a broken neck I’ll never know!
      With best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, my word! Poor you. It must have made you feel so sick seeing him tumble like that, though of course he just kept on running and thought nothing of it! My mother in law tells a tale that she went in to see my husband when he was a baby, just to watch him sleep. She realised he wasn’t breathing. In a panic, she picked him up, gave him a shake and he started breathing again. Perhaps she was wrong and he’d just paused (as they sometimes do, just to give us a fright!) but maybe she was right. My life would have been every different if so.
        Thank you for your kindness, Penny 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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