Friday Fictioneers – Commitment

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!

PHOTO PROMPT (C) ROGER BULTOT

Commitment

I know it’s taken me a long time but today, as I meet Carol for lunch at our favourite Chinese restaurant, I have a diamond ring in my pocket. Perhaps commitment won’t feel so restrictive after all.

Carol kisses me, a perfunctory brush of lips. ‘Can we go for a walk before eating?’ she asks. We stroll by the river, quietly companionable.

Carol breaks the silence. ‘Mark, I want marriage and children. You don’t seem to want either. I’m ending our relationship. I hope we can stay friends?’

‘But I love you!’ I gasp.

‘I’m sorry. I’ve met someone else.’

Inlinkz – Click here to join the fun!

33 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Commitment”

      • Aha! Hopefully in my defence the two are not mutually exclusive! You open that age old quandary in the comment: moving too fast will make her run, and too slow too! I think both of them had hidden flaws…him his male egoistic approach, her…well not exactly sure what but would she nit dropped a careless hint, or stayed anyway, even if not married? Perhaps she too, like me, spotted his egoistic nature, and her revenge was swift! Why should she wait until he has “decided” the time is right? I agree with her! Cast him to the winds!

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    • Thank you for such a generous second comment! Carol and Mark are two characters from the novel I’m writing, and this story is part of the backstory of the novel. The whole business of commitment depends so much on the individuals in the partnership…
      Best wishes
      Penny

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  4. Penny,
    Oh what a well-narrated tale, Pennt. You foreshadowed the ending brilliantly (the “perfunctory kiss”) and the pre-dinner talk. That you used the guy’s perspective is interesting, because he’s still thinking in terms of commitment being “restrictive” and she’s moved on. Funny too that he gasps his love out as if that should make a difference when it obviously hadn’t so far: she probably found the outrage comical, too little, too late.
    Pax,
    Dora

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    • Dear Dora
      Thank you for your detailed comments. I’m so glad you spotted the perfunctory kiss; it was, as you say, foreshadowing. We get ourselves into all sorts of predicaments when we’re young, don’t we? As you say, the story is from the guy’s pov; it’s quite an interesting challenge to do that occasionally.
      Pax
      Penny
      xx

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    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Gabi. You’re right; Mark is quite self-centred. On the other hand, he’s quite honest. When Carol told him she wanted marriage and children, he told her he wasn’t ready for the commitment. You say “Obviously they didn’t communicate a lot of their wishes for the future while being together.” I had in mind that they had different hopes about their relationship, and shared those hopes. Carol found another man to satisfy her wish for marriage before Mark realised he loved her, which was unfortunate for him.
      Best wishes
      Penny

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