Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Priorhouse
Collateral
Furious, Lane seized his wife’s wineglass and hurled it out of the window of the lobby on level thirty-five.
A little wine spilled and fell, making a constellation of crimson droplets orbiting the glass. A girl walked towards the hotel entrance below.
The glass sang as it fell, the sound modulating as it tumbled in the breeze, constantly accelerating towards its rendezvous. The sunlight sparkled mesmerizingly from it. A trickle of wine dribbled around the bowl like blood.
The glass struck, shattered her skull, made a thousand scintillating diamonds in her hair even as the light faded from her eyes.
I liked the way you wrote the fall of the glass. That was brave with so few words to play with, but absolutely the right choice
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Great story Penny, the unintended consequences of a fit of rage.Well done.
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, the story does read like a cautionary tale, doesn’t it?
With very best wishes
Penny
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How beautifully you have described this horrible act of mindless rage. The glass, the wine, the diamonds… even though I knew that would be the end result… 😉
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and for your generous comment. Writing this story made me sad, even though I knew it was also beautiful.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Absolutely… beautifully written sad story.
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What vivid and yet haunting writing, Penny. I can hear that crystal glass singing still as the light fades from her eyes, again and again and again. Really, really, REALLY like this change in style.
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Dear Kelvin
Thank you for reading, and for your generous comments. I wanted to write the story of the falling glass. Why was the glass falling? Well, that was easy enough. But what happens at the end? In my first draft I left it ambiguous as to whether the glass actually struck the girl, or whether it shattered just above her, showering her with fragments but leaving her unharmed. My trusted reader rejected it. “You’ve written all this description, and I can visualise the glass falling, and then the story ends and I haven’t got any picture of how it ends.” And she was absolutely right. So I tried survival and it didn’t work. Which meant a violent end to the story. I suppose what I’m saying is that although you really like the change in style, I’m not quite sure what I’ve done!
With very best wishes
Penny
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What you’ve done is absolutely marvelous!
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I was enjoying the singing glass, and then you introduced the girl into the story. I knew exactly what was going to happen, held my breath, hoping it wasn’t true, but alas!
You know you’ve written a really good story when the reader gets that involved.
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Dear Linda
Thank you very much for reading and for your generous comments. I’m delighted you found the story so involving.
With very best wishes
Penny
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intense contrast with words with dazzling destruction –
so well done I had to shake my head and ground (pun intended)
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Dear Yvette
Thank you for reading and commenting, and, of course, for supplying the prompt photograph. There were so many little details to spark the imagination! I’m glad you liked the contrasts in the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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🙂
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I can really see the wineglass heading towards the death of the girl… this could be a film actually, and I imagine the remorse and the sorrow coming afterwards… all the whatifs
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Dear Bjorn
Thank you for reading and commenting. Your insight that the story is cinematic is interesting – I hadn’t really thought of it in that way, but I think you’re absolutely right. Certainly I focused on the visual much more intensely than I usually do. And it’s slow motion, because it takes longer to read about the falling glass than it would if you saw it in real life.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I see it in my head like a movie. But at the end I want to throw the glass at him.
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Dear Alice
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s good to have confirmation that the story reads like a movie. I completely agree with you about preferring to see the glass thrown at Lane rather than hitting an innocent bystander.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Yep, its in slow-mo and everything.
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A moment of madness, that led to such a sad ending. Will Lane ever know the girl was his long lost daughter
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Dear Michael
Thank you for reading and commenting. And thank you for the interesting continuation of the story!
With best wishes
Penny
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Nicely described the fall, sound and last crash.
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Dear Abhijit
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the descriptive writing in the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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And that is why one should always keep the room AC on, and windows tightly closed 🙂
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Dear Anurag
Thank you for reading and commenting. Keeping the windows shut would have saved a life, so I guess you’re right!
With best wishes
Penny
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I’ve often wondered what happens to all the stuff that gets thrown out of windows in films. Beautifully written descriptions!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the descriptions. I used to worry about the televisions that rock stars were said to defenestrate with alarming abandon…
With very best wishes
Penny
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It seemed to be falling in slow motion. Excellent
Click to read my FriFic tale!
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt as though the glass was falling in slow motion.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Wow! You described the whole event in slow motion. I could almost visualize the whole scene, the crimson wine drops spilling and how the glass shattered against her skull.
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Dear Piyali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the scene came to life for you.
With best wishes
Penny
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The description of the falling wine glass make the inevitable accidental death seem so eloquent.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. I don’t think the law will view the death as accidental, though. In the UK I’m pretty sure it would be manslaughter.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Beautifully and savagely described. You excelled yourself here, Penny
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading, and for such a lovely comment. It means a lot, coming from a writer of your calibre.
With very best wishes
Penny
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What a way to go, though! Surrounded by diamonds from the sky…. 🙂 Great write!
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Dear Jelli
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, it would be a very special end – unique, I should imagine. Me, I hope to pass on peacefully in my own bed surrounded by children, grandchildren and (anticipating somewhat!) great grandchildren!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
This read like a slow motion film. So beautifully described, the sparkling wine and glass as we see the liquid sloshing and beading into droplets. Cause and effect, tragic ending. Brava!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the description. That was why I wrote the story really – I wanted to describe the tumbling glass as it plummeted to earth.
Shalom
Penny
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poor girl, she being at wrong place at the right time.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, she was desperately unlucky to be struck by the glass.
With best wishes
Penny
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I love how you described the glass in great detail, the blood a foreshadowing to the poor girl’s demise. Well done.
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Dear Sascha
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, the wine trickling like blood is foreshadowing the girl’s death. I’m glad you enjoyed the detailed description.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Oh wow. Such beautiful descriptions before such an unexpected and unwarranted end. Very well told.
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Dear Sarah
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment. ‘Oh wow’ is what I’m always secretly hoping for!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I too got involved in this story, wanting to savour every word. A tragedy, beautifully written.
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Dear Jilly
Thank you for reading and for your very kind comment. I’m so pleased you wanted to savour every word.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Tragic! I was mesmerized by the glass and the sound it was making and wasn’t at all prepared for the skull crushing finale! Poor girl!
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Dear EL
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m delighted you were mesmerized by the glass and startled by the end of the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Wow, a very well described scene. The detail was incredible. Nicely done! =)
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Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the detailed description.
And thank you for your ‘Wow’ – always a gratifying response!
With very best wishes
Penny
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The contrast of the singing glass, constellation of crimson droplets, and diamond shards are a perfect contrast to the horrific end. So very well done, Penny.
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Dear Lish
Thank you for reading, and for your kind comments. I’m delighted you liked the contrasts in the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Oh, that was heartbreaking. But very true of what can happen. Excellently written.
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Dear Lisa
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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This was absolutely amazing. The lyrical descriptions giving way to the tragic ending. One of your best I’d say.
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Dear Subroto
Thank you for reading and for your very kind comment. Your feeling that it’s one of my best is interesting, because I wanted quite badly to write about the falling glass – it was something that had occurred to me days before the prompt, and the wine glass in the chiller cabinet in a hotel lobby gave me the perfect excuse. But it really seems that when I write what I know, or write something that I particularly want to write about – it comes out better!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Wow. Beautifully done. I could def see someone put this to a video or graphics showing it all.
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Dear Stuart
Thank you for reading and commenting. ‘Wow’ is such a lovely compliment!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Beautiful destruction. I had a feeling it was not going to end well but had to wait for the train wreck. Pulled me in until the bitter end. Great write.
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Dear Jo
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re so helpful when you say you had a feeling it wasn’t going to end well, because that means the foreshadowing in the story worked. And I’m glad the story pulled you in until the bitter end.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Penny, thats beautifully gruesome.
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I knew she was going to die immediately but I had no idea her death would be this beautiful.
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I like the slow motion fall of the glass, all the lovely shots you described to us, the objectively beautiful but deadly trajectory in consecutive. single frames. You quickly let us know
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Sorry–not quite finished–you quickly let us know that the girl was in peril, which pulled the tension taut as we watched it fall.
Forgive the cynicism but i could not help but think that things were coming full circle, since the glass was thrown by what could well have been a lawyer from what looks like a law office, and if he gets downstairs quick, he might just pick up a wrongful death case from it! Also it occurred to me that a lot of higher floor windows just arent openable…
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A beautifully written story which held me captive me to the very end. The descriptions were mesmerizing, even that of the poor girl’s demise.
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