Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story with a beginning, middle and end in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. This story complements the one I published last Wednesday
Photoprompt © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Mother love
“I’m worried about Deborah. I want to visit her today.” Jennifer tugged the silken peignoir tighter around her bony shoulders.
Charles sighed.
“She has to grow up sometime, darling.”
“You know she doesn’t always eat properly.”
It was only a fifty mile drive.
The lift was broken, so they had four flights of stairs to climb. Jennifer wrinkled her nose at the smell outside her daughter’s flat.
Deborah, stick-thin, in crumpled clothes and with matted hair, opened the door and peered out. She had a look of exaltation, which swiftly faded.
“Mum! You know I don’t like you coming here!”
Autumn Leaves 
I think Deborah too loves Jennifer so much that it’s going to take a while for her to re-adjust without her mom ,once the parents leave again.
Beautiful story , Penny .
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Moon. I think Deborah’s feelings for her mom are very mixed; basically love, but a great streak of youthful rebellion.
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Thanks for explaining that to me , dear Penny .I admire your compassionate attitude towards readers who , sometimes ,don’t get it right . I have had bitter experiences as a reader , but that doesn’t deter me from commenting or ask for clarifications when I don’t understand 😀 Thanks again .
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Sounds like Deborah really needs her mother after all. Very descriptive.
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Thank you for commenting Magarisa. Yes, Deborah could use some help I think.
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You’re welcome.
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Great job setting the scene and showing the dynamics here. But I hope there’s going to be a positive outcome yet. This girl needs help, though she may not agree.
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Thank you for the perceptive comment, Christine. Certainly a Westerner would think she was suffering from an eating disorder. But would someone from one of the mystical and contemplative traditions agree? And yet you’re right; she needs help whichever route she wishes to pursue.
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When I read the “crumpled clothes, matted hair” I thought Major depression. People with eating disorders are usually quite fastidious.
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Hi Christine!
Yes, major depression certainly fits the physical appearance, and you’re right that eating disorders are often associated with a desire to have a beautiful self-image – it’s just a distorted image. Would a look of exaltation fit with depression, I wonder?
At all events, the ‘true’ explanation of any story is the one that carries conviction to the reader, irrespective of any intentions of the author. It’s very valuable to me that you have commented with your impression of the story, because it helps me improve my skills of writing and plotting. Thank you very much indeed for your comments!
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The fading look of exultation was a subtle touch
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Thank you, Neil, for that lovely comment!
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Dear Penny,
From the description, I wonder if the apple has fallen too far from the tree. It sounds like some family counselling might be in order. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, neither mother nor daughter have a healthy relationship with food. Well spotted, that the mother, too, is in need of counselling. Her reasons for not wanting to eat are different from her daughter’s but the end result is the same.
Thank you so much for the care with which you read the story!
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You can’t beat those wonderful maternal instincts, nor can you stop youthfulness from trying to find their own way, a lovely story.
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Letting go is the hardest thing most of us have to do as parents. But it’s lovely when children become friends as well as offspring!
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I would like to focus on the ‘look of exaltation…’ but growing children are like that ‘ freedom and space’, and you can’t change mothers. Beautifully written.
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Thank you for your comment, Indira. In my mind, the look of exaltation is very important. You’re right that growing children need freedom and space, but it can be hard sometimes for mom!
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So dear.
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There is so much story here Penny. Poor girl. She needs the help and yet refuses if for so many reasons which probably would seem trivial in the long run. Really hope that love triumphs into health.
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I imagine her dad as a rather phlegmatic, practical man. He might sit down beside her and listen to what she is trying to achieve. Maybe he will be able to help her see a safer way forward – for example, guided meditation in a organistion that values mystical experiences.
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Deborah has severe depression? That’s what I’m seeing. Well done with imagery!
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Thank you for the comment, Miles. The symptoms in the story almost fit that diagnosis, but there is the look of exaltation as she opens the door. What caused that, I wonder? She could certainly use help to improve her mental health or she could do herself serious harm.
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So many parent/child relationships are complicated aren’t they? There’s a bond there but resentment too, a need for love and support and a denial that any is needed. Well told tale Penny
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Yes, and even in “good” families, trust can be lost in the transition between teenager and young adult – especially if the child feels guilt about aspects of their behaviour.
Thank you for your comment, Lynn – you’re very kind!
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Difficult to get it right as a parent of a teen too, trying to coax them into being more thoughtful without laying on the guilt, trying to show you understand what they’re going through. Always a juggle. My pleasure 🙂
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Even though both your stories can stand alone, together they paint a great picture. Mother love, worry, care, rebellion, finding oneself and one’s god/spirit/inspiration, it’s all there. Maybe mum can teach her the Zen of keeping clean and healthy. 🙂
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Thank you for your kind comment. After I wrote the first about the theophany, I found I simply had to write the second putting Deborah in the context of her family.
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I have a feeling that mother and daughter are too alike to really being able to handle each other…. love the story, and I hope that they can learn a way to coexist.
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Thank you for a very interesting comment. Mother and daughter certainly have some major character traits in common. Whether they can learn a way to coexist – maybe we’ll never know!
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You squeezed in so much in so few words Penny – well done! The mother knows her daughter well possibly because they are similar. The look of exultation made me pause and wonder if she is on drugs which would be in keeping with her appearance?
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Thank you for the comment, Dahlia dear.
You’re right; she could be on psychedelic drugs. But I imagined her as having just had a profound spiritual experience.
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An evocative story, Penny. I think mom is right to be worried, but Deborah will need to make her own choices. A tough situation for a parent.
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Thank you so much for your comment. ‘Letting go’ when a child seems to want to live by very different values must be extremely difficult.
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I can’t imagine and so glad I didn’t need to go through that in my own life.
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