Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © DALE ROGERSON
Only a cold
It was one of those late fall days, when clouds smear the sun like ice-cream and a chill wind rattles the last leaves.
Pastor Nicholas was coughing in the hallway
“It’s only a cold,” he said, irritably, to his wife, Maisie, and he slammed the door as he set off to visit his parishioners.
Maisie had made him a packed lunch, but he left it unopened. Despite his exhaustion he could feel God working through him, healing broken lives.
That night, Maisie had to call an ambulance. “Pneumonia, exacerbated by overwork,” said the hospital. Maisie was devastated when Nicholas died.
I liked the clouds smearing the sun like ice cream and the rattling of the leaves
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Neil. I was rather pleased with ice cream too!
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for commenting, Olivia.
LikeLike
I can’t decide whether this is tragic or inspired? Dying, because of doing what one believes is important, doesn’t seem the worst thing that could happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Susan. I agree that the story poses questions. It’s a true story, actually.
LikeLike
😯
LikeLiked by 1 person
Death always comes as a surprise when it visits a person full of life. I feel much sorrow for his widow. Also sorry to hear this is based on a true story, Penny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for commenting, Jade. You’re right about the surprise. It’s a true story from many years ago when I was a teenager, so decades pre-Covid! (When I say true, I mean the big details, not the descriptions or the packed lunch, of course)
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome, Penny.
LikeLike
Penny,
That opening line is masterful, a foreshadowing of what’s to come. It’s easy to say that he died doing what he liked, but it’s more than that, isn’t it? “Despite his exhaustion he could feel God working through him, healing broken lives.” What an inspiring life …. and death. May his wife, family and friends be comforted.
pax,
dora
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for such a kind comment, Dora. You’re right – it’s much more than dying doing what he liked. As mortals, we know very little of God’s plan, but as Pastor Nicholas lived in faith we can be confident he will receive his reward.
The true story on which this is based happened in the 1960s. His family did seem to receive consolation, and the vicar’s life and death were inspirational
Pax
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chilling caution against neglecting our bodies and over working. We are good to no one dead.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Tannille. I like your reading of the story’s message, but I don’t share it! But that’s one of the joys of FF – there are usually many different readings possible for a single story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that’s the beauty of micro stories, sometimes they can be read different ways because the lack of words leaves interesting gaps.
LikeLike
if anything, he died doing what he loved. not everyone is that fortunate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment. He died serving God, giving his life in the process.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great opening sentence, Penny. At least his last day was spent doing what he loved.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Sandra. Nicholas died serving God, giving his life in the process.
LikeLike
I’m sure the devotion he afforded to his calling earned him a place in Heaven.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Keith. Nicholas’s devotion to his calling was indicative of the faith he placed in God, a faith that would have kept him safely in God’s kingdom.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great atmosphere and descriptions here, Penny. About dieing doing what you love… yes, sure, but I’m always sad when it would have been preventable. He could have helped people for years to come. We have an obligation to ourselves, too, we are part of the whole.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Gabi
Thank you for such a carefully thought out comment. I know exactly what you mean, and by and large I agree with you. But sometimes there are things that are so urgent that they won’t wait; they just have to be done. A policeman who is killed in the course of his duties might be an example.
Maybe there was something Pastor Nicholas simply had to do for the sake of other people.
With very best wishes
Penny
xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not disagreeing. If it weren’t for people like him, we’d have a lot less heroes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting how differently I see this.
Nicholas seems like an ungrateful, self-centered arse to me, ignoring the lunch she prepared for him, denying his obvious illness which he seemed willing to share with his flock, and “…he said, irritably, to his wife, Maisie, and he slammed the door as he set off…” If this man died doing what he loved, it was being jerk. The hero is Maisie!
Great story from the beginning to the end, Penny. Well written. Loved it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yayyyy! Loud applause and stamping of feet! Thank you for your comment, Bill. I thought that side of Nicholas was going to be entirely overlooked. Yes, ‘irritably’ and ‘slammed the door’ are deliberately there to show that he was far from perfect.
Nicholas was in some ways a saint; but in other ways he was all too human. And aren’t we all like that when you look at the whole person?
Very best wishes
Penny
xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
OH!, Penny,
Whew! I was sure I was going to be on your bad side. Yes, we are all skin covered foibles. Glad I got it right. 🙂 Thanks for responding so cheerfully. 🙂
Back atcha,
Bill
LikeLiked by 1 person
How sad. It seemed he put too much of himself into his work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for commenting, Athling. Nicholas did indeed use up his life in his work, and many people were grateful to him.
LikeLike
I happened to see Bill’s response and he nailed it for me, too.
I loved the first paragraph, too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your honest comments. I’m very pleased you loved the first paragraph. This is how I responded to Bill.
“Yayyyy! Loud applause and stamping of feet! Thank you for your comment, Bill. I thought that side of Nicholas was going to be entirely overlooked. Yes, ‘irritably’ and ‘slammed the door’ are deliberately there to show that he was far from perfect.
Nicholas was in some ways a saint; but in other ways he was all too human. And aren’t we all like that when you look at the whole person?”
Having thought about it, I suspect there are times when Nicholas himself would have admitted he could be an arse!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your response to Bill (I didn’t think of going to snoop 😉 )
No one is a saint 😉
But one can home that he realised he wasn’t one, on occasion!
LikeLiked by 1 person
At least he died doing what he loved to do. At least, I hope he loved doing what he did. Great story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Bear. Nicholas did indeed love his calling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like Covid caught up with him. I like how you captured the day with precise descriptions, I expect these event s are etched in the mind for ever.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a lovely comment! Thank you, James! I’m really pleased you feel the descriptions are precise. I’m sure you’re right that the events are etched in the minds of his family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Penny,
Having experienced a beloved pastor being felled by a stroke in a service due to not taking care of health issues, I related to this all too well. Beautifully written. Poor Maisie.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle
Thank you for your empathetic comment. I’m sorry you know first-hand the death of a pastor in a service. I’m glad you liked the writing.
Shalom
Penny
xx
LikeLike
I love your ice cream description of the clouds smearing the sun. A foreboding? Perfect depiction of a minister who sets his own needs–and those of his family–behind his parishioners. He should have paid attention to his wife, so he could live to continue blessing his people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment, Linda. I know exactly what you mean, and by and large I agree with you. But sometimes there are things that are so urgent that they won’t wait; they just have to be done. A policeman who is killed in the course of his duties might be an example.
Maybe there was something Pastor Nicholas simply had to do for the sake of other people.
Best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved the first line, and the way it set the stage for the story. For the Pastor, the joy of heaven awaited him. It’s a tragic story for his wife and family, though. But, that is the way of things until a different day. Beautiful writing, Penny, as usual!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your empathetic and kind comment. You’ve read to the heart of my story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poor chap. So dedicated to helping others, he forgot to look after himself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Ali. Sometimes dedication to others exacts a very high price, that some people are nevertheless prepared to pay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A subtly observed story, about duty and doggedness. I really like the understated tone, as it become clear what is bound to happen – the Pastor’s demise. Hard on his wife.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for such kind comments about the observation and the tone, Francine. I felt the photo prompt set an ambiguous emotional tone that I tried to capture.
LikeLike
This had the feel of a painful morality tale to me. Especially good people need to remember to take time to rest.
LikeLike
Beautifully done, and I liked the visual simile of the ice-cream almost as much a I felt the sorrow of the loss of a many who worked to heal, even as his own body perhaps sought a different level of healing …
LikeLike