Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Brenda Cox
Hunted
Murumatsu knew they were hunting him.
From the corner of his eye he caught the flash of a lantern reflected from a knife blade, and ran. If he could only reach Midori’s bar…
He barged between cursing men. Rain-drenched awnings clung to him like the tentacles of an octopus. Murumatsu winced as he grasped a hot grill to lever himself round a corner.
He side-stepped into Midori’s bar.
“Whatever’s the matter, Murumatsu?” she asked with concern.
Two men appeared at the door to the bar, blocking Murumatsu’s escape.
“Midori, can you please make sure your brother takes his medication?”
Very suspenseful. That sounds like a very wild brother, with the knife and all.
BTW, I think something is wrong with the link on Inlinkz, Penny. I landed on an empty WordPress site and went back to one of your old comments to find you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Gabi. And especially thank you for pointing out the faulty link!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Quite the imagination Midori’s brother has. Exciting life for him, not so for her. It’s hard being a caretaker in situations like this. So well written Penny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Dora. Yes, being the carer is often difficult, and Midori has her hands full with Murumatsu.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are people who live in their imaginations. Some of them we call mad. Some we call authors. I wonder which Murumatsu will turn out to be
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your entertaining comment, Neil. And some are both mad and authors. I’m afraid Murumatsu believes he is pursued by ninjas…
LikeLike
I wonder what Murumatsu has been up to? It sounds like he may not be coming back.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading and commenting, Iain. You are right; the text of the story certainly leaves open the possibility of a violent and terminal continuation. Mind you, I’d prefer to believe that big sister would give him a sound ticking off, along with his anti-psychotic meds!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a chilling story. I hope that his meds will help to make him more stable, if that is what’s needed. I’m sure his sister knows he gets like this sometimes, and I feel for her too. Well written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your perceptive comment. Yes, Murumatsu is well known locally for being a troubled spirit, and his meds help – as long as he takes them!
LikeLike
Haha, and here I was wondering whether he’d make it or not. Great story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your perceptive comment, Bernadette. I’m glad the misdirection worked!
LikeLike
A great suspenseful action story. Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Mason.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome.
LikeLike
i was led astray again. what a twist. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Plaridel. I’m glad the story’s misdirection succeeded!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well played! Excellent twist!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Susan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s quite a character. I like the way you left the ending open to our imaginations. Fun read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your perceptive comment, Russel. Yes, it’s probably a happy ending…but the guys at the door are pretty fed-up and very large!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps he is having more fun without his medication. Unfortunately, some people are difficult to help even though we love them very much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, James. Sometimes Murumatsu suspects that the doctors are plotting against him and avoids taking his medication.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poor chap, at least he has Midori looking out for him. It must be a tough job for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Ali. Big sister Midori has looked after him ever since he was a small child; she’s pretty good at it, but as you say, it’s tough for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What an unexpected twist at the end. I really like this story. Midori certainly has her work cut out for her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the very kind comment, Jenne. On the whole I avoid stories with a twist in favour of narrative and description. On this occasion, though, the location struck me as being very ambiguous. I know an alley in Tokyo very like it, and it has an air of menace even though it’s perfectly safe. The twist just reflects this ambiguity
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very big responsibility for Midori, the care of her brother who seems to require a lot of attention. I was engaged with the story from the start and enjoyed the twist at the end. Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your detailed and encouraging comment, Brenda. I’m glad the story engaged you. You’re right that Midori had a big responsibility in taking care of her brother. She was also the breadwinner, owning and running the little bar to which Murumatsu fled.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved that last line. What a change in perspective.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Tannille. I like your description of the twist as a change of perspective. In fact, the idea for the story came from the resemblance of the prompt to an alley in Tokyo – Piss Alley, it’s called. It’s a very narrow thoroughfare lined with micro-eateries and tiny bars. At night it can feel quite frightening, but it’s actually perfectly safe. The change of perspective was to try to capture something of this ambiguity.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds like a great place to visit. Interesting that Piss Alley is safe.
LikeLike
The thing about psychotics and meds is when they take the meds they feel better and then think they don’t need to take them anymore. It’s a vicious merry-go-round. I love the twist at the end of your story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the twist.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome!
LikeLike
You packed a lot of action into your 100 words. Great, though sad, twist.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind comment, Nobbin. I agree that mental illness is sad – and terrible for the sufferer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Penny,
Actioned packed story with a twist at the end. Murumatsu does need to take his meds. Reminded me a little of A Beautiful Mind in a hundred words. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle
Thank you for your supportive comment. Yes, Midori needs to take his meds – but they’re not free of side-effects.
Shalom
Penny
LikeLike
You create a vivid picture of the dramatic chase through the market -like how Murumatsu winces is he grasps the hot griddle in order to evade his pursuers.. Clever ending Penny. Well done.
LikeLike
I like the awnings clinging to him like octopus tentacles. Nightmare stuff. You drew a great picture of what it’s like inside the brain of a psychotic person.
LikeLike
Fabulous action scene springing to life and the twist at the end turns the story around. Nice one.
LikeLike