Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
One Tide
Linda and Mark watched the waves pounding the sea-wall, hurling shingle across the promenade.
“I must go back,” sighed Linda.
Charlie, lying in his sick-bed, coughed. For a moment he was lucid. Linda could do better than Mark, he thought. Then the surging ocean carried him back sixty years to his first voyage in a three-master.
Linda looked at Charlie’s chest. Still breathing.
The sound of the surf faded. Charlie’s breathing became shallow.
Linda phoned Mark.
“I think he’s going. Will you come round?”
The couple sat hand in hand as Charlie’s tide ebbed.
“We can marry now,” said Linda.
You’ve managed to convey a huge story in these few words. Beautifully done, Penny.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and commenting so kindly. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Eesh… a tad crass to watch him circle the drain so they can wed… that he knew is bad enough. Mind you, we don’t know the full story.
Good one, Penny. You’ve got me changing my mind with each word I type!
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comments. I’m delighted that the story felt so ambiguous. My own back story is that Linda is Charlie’s great grand daughter. She’s looked after him for a couple of years since his stroke and he’s left his seaside house to her in his will. Charlie has had a long and full life, and now he’s dying of natural causes with his favourite GGDaughter at his bedside. Not a bad way to go, I think. Of course, most of that isn’t in the text, so the reader is perfectly entitled to a different interpretation!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Oh now! That puts a whole other spin in it!
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And there is nothing poor Charlie can do about it. I wonder if Charlie deserves this fate though?
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m interested by your comments, which suggest a darker interpretation than the backstory I had in mind. But you’re the reader – if it’s not in the text, it’s your call! Did the story suggest foul play to you?
With very best wishes
Penny
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It did, although it could have come from either side – a past crime that meant Charlie deserved this fate, or else Charlie was the victim of some scheming from the newly betrothed!
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Thanks for the extra comment. It’s really helpful to know how the story came across!
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I liked his tide ebbed and all the other nautical references.
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I believe there used to be a superstition among sailors that if they were sick or dying of old age, they would only die on an ebb tide.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Now that you have explained it, I see the story in an entirely different light!
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Dear Shweta
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m interested that the explanation makes such a difference to how you see the story. I’m a great believer in the power of the reader – basically, if something isn’t in the text, the reader can imagine what they like. It seems to me that the trick with flash fiction is to have enough in the text that the reader is guided into a range of possibilities that prompts them to think about the subject matter. By that standard, this story falls short.
Sandra, Lynn Love and Rochelle are all real masters of the art!
With best wishes
Penny
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That’s the thing about flash fiction indeed. They are a lot of possibilities! I never would have guessed that Charlie was her great grandfather.
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I kind of guessed Charlie was an older parent type person. Though wasn’t sure why he had to die so they could marry unless Mark was black and Charlie was a bit prejudiced. Very interesting story!
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Yes, Charlie was Linda’s great grandfather. He owned a house by the sea that he was going to leave to Linda, but he didn’t like Mark. Linda didn’t want to upset him so they postponed marriage since they knew that he was dying – natural causes! – and didn’t have long to live.
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A huge back-story here. A true appetiser, Penny.
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading and for commenting so kindly. I was really seized by the idea of the old sailor dying on the ebb tide while life went on with a promise of marriage for a new generation. It’s much too big really for flash fiction!
With very best wishes
Penny
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That sounded a bit dark, until I read your explanation (I was thinking the same as Dale)!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and for your helpful comment. It’s always good to know the impression left by a story.
With best wishes
Penny
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great use of metaphor. but what a sad ending for charlie.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the metaphor.
With best wishes
Penny
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Ugh, not a way one would wish to cross into the next world, fading away in a sick bed, knowing your wife/daughter is waiting for you to die to be with another person. Who knows, maybe he earned that end, but then again nobody leaves this world worthy of heaven.
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Dear Jade
Thank you for reading and commenting. Linda was much younger than Charlie, who had first sailed in a three master sixty years earlier. She was his great granddaughter. Charlie wasn’t jealous of Mark, he just thought Linda could do better. It wasn’t such a bad end – natural causes with a family member to be with you at the moment of death.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I feel better hearing those details, thanks, Penny. You’re very welcome.
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Dear Penny,
Having read your comment to Dale clarifies the story to me. Perhaps if you changed a word to let the reader know Charlie’s her great grandfather it wouldn’t leave us wondering if she’s waiting for her first husband to die so she can marry her lover. Aside from that the use of the tide and the waves is lovely.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right – I needed to make it clear that Linda was his great granddaughter, and was being kind to him. After all, she didn’t ask Mark round until Charlie was unconscious. Thank you very much for the constructive criticism – it’s very welcome indeed!
Shalom
Penny
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Wow potent for such a short story. Reading the comments it seems there are different interpretations. To me that’s a sign of great writing. I saw a love triangle with Charlie dying of cancer (or something equally terrible). A smooth easy read Penny!
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Dear Tannille
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I’m glad you found the story smooth; that’s something I work at.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Amazing stuff as to how our lives can be tied together but not move forward. At least, in one sense of the story. Also a little on the diabolical side but I’m not so sure. Great story, Penny!
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Dear wmqcolby
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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Wow, a much bigger story contained in 100 words. I really enjoyed it, especially with the nautical language.
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Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I got really hooked by the idea of low tide representing the moment of the old man’s death followed by the incoming tide bringing new hope of marriage in the much younger generation. The topic might have been too big, at least for my limited skills, because readers’ opinion is broadly that foul play was afoot!
With very best wishes
Penny
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i felt a sense of sadness then a slight pang of horror as to why had she and Mark needed him to be dead. Her husband? The few words provoke a lot of story behind the moment.
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Two stories in one. I read one way initially and then along came your comment! Loved it Penny.
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I read the addendum to Dale’s comment. The entire tale is great. But … 100 words is 100 words.
You hit it out of the park, Penny.
I enjoyed it very much.
Be safe … Be Healthy … Be Happy 😍
Isadora 😎
ps: He has a sweet and caring GGdaughter.
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I don’t quite know how to feel about this one. I think I’m going to believe that Linda and Mark had been prohibited from marrying because of her father’s, Charlie’s, impending death.Sad, though, as it doesn’t seem there was any great sorrow on Linda’s part. You’ve left us a puzzle to solve, Penny 🙂
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