Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT (C) Jeff Arnold
After the deluge
The deluge had been intense but brief, hammering the earth until the road ran red with mud.
In the succeeding calm, Mary sat down at her piano. Her touch on the keys was gentle, loving even, as she played her favourite hymn. She’d learned it, oh, fifty years ago, just before her fiancé, John, had left for Vietnam. Her fingers hesitated as she remembered how he had come back.
She wouldn’t have been able to cope with that, surely?
Her eyes strayed to the window.
A rainbow glowed and her husband, Donald, smiled at her as he gathered roses.
War, including Viet Nam as among the nastiest, can truly destroy people. John was left incapable of dealing with that kind of a relationship and responsibility?
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Dear Larry
Thank you for reading and commenting. Your suggestion is certainly one of the possibilities.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Lots of threads to this story in so few words, Penny
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment, which is the response for which I was hoping.
With very best wishes
Penny
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With music, a smile and and roses. that is the way to mend many ills
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Dear Michael
Thank you for reading and commenting so wisely. I agree – music, a smile and roses can all communicate love, the healer of most of the world’s ills.
With very best wishes
Penny
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It’s amazing how vividly music can recreate past emotion.
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Dear Nobbin
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, music is a great communicator of emotion.
With very best wishes
Penny
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You articulated the story so well. I love the line: “In the succeeding calm, Mary sat down at her piano.” There is a palpable feeling there hard to describe.
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Dear Jade
Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you for identifying the line, “In the succeeding calm, Mary sat down at her piano.” It’s always very helpful to have specific feedback that highlights strengths and weaknesses.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Penny, you are very welcome. That line feels like a portal to another feeling.
Sincerely,
Lisa
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You’ve managed to create an amazingly atmospheric story in so few words. Beautifully done, Penny.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I’m glad you found the story atmospheric
With very best wishes
Penny
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Great story Penny, leaves just enough clues for us to piece together what may have happened, and powerfully so. Well done.
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and for your helpful comments. Technical feedback like this is greatly appreciated.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Ah … for there are indeed all manner of pots of gold treasured at the end of rainbows. Lovely!
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Dear Na’ama
Thank you for reading and commenting. Human life is full of ‘pots of gold’ when we know how to look for them.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Amen to that. Indeed, it is! Stay well, these crazy days! Na’ama
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So much unsaid and a deeper story exists. Powerfully written, Penny!
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Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comments. I wanted to write a story where the back story was the most important element. Thank you so much for confirming that I achieved my goal.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
There’s a lot of story between the lines, Penny. It strikes a chord with me due to one of the characters in my current WIP. Wonderfully written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, the real story is between the lines. I can’t help feeling sorry for John; he paid a very high price for fighting in Vietnam.
Shalom, and enjoy a peaceful Passover
Penny
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we can remember the past, but we can’t dwell on it anymore. life must move on.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right that life must move on.
With best wishes
Penny
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So well done, Penny! You leave much unsaid within this story. Not everyone has the strength to take on a broken person (physically or mentally) and her choice could not have been easy. But in the end, she seems to have found something wonderful. Wonderful read.
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and commenting so thoughtfully. As you say, Mary’s choice couldn’t have been easy, and she still feels regret that she couldn’t cope with John’s brokenness. But she’s pragmatic, and appreciates the happiness she’s found.
With very best wishes
Penny
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A friend of mine, when he discovered he had multiple sclerosis, told his wife that she could leave the marriage as she didn’t sign up for the long road ahead. And she did. And he has no anger towards her because he offered it to her. I still shake my head when I think about it.
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I wonder if poor John maybe had a lucky escape?
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Dear CE
Thank you for reading and commenting. I confess it hadn’t occurred to me that John had a lucky escape. However, the text doesn’t rule it out, so as the reader you are perfectly entitled to imagine the scenario!
I hope your sore throat is recovering.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Okay, I wasn’t paying close enough attention. I had to read it twice to realize you were describing two different men 🙂 AND, by the way, left us wondering how poor Johnny came marching–or limping–or destroyed?
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Dear Linda
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, two different men. I tried to differentiate them, but with 100 words there’s a limit to what I could do. You’re right that I want the reader to wonder about Johnny’s condition when he returned from Vietnam. My personal backstory was pretty grim, but the text doesn’t specify so you can imagine whatever seems most likely to you!
With very best wishes
Penny
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She still ponders over it. Memories can be triggered by the most random things. I guess a part of her (youthful part) will always love him. Fantastic story.
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Dear Tannille
Thank you for reading and for your very perceptive comments. Yes, a part of Mary will always love Johnny – at least, as he was before Vietnam. She would rather forget what he was like when he returned, but there’s still that residual guilt for abandoning him.
With very best wishes
Penny
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That was the telling line “she wouldn’t have been able to cope with that, would she”. There’s a world of guilt and sadness and remorse in this. Well done.
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading and for your comment which is full of insight. It’s very kind of you to identify the key line, because it shows that I achieved one of the effects for which I was aiming.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Perhaps it was for the best, their parting of the ways. Mary wouldn’t have done John any good if she’d struggled to cope. And she’s found happiness with Donald. Makes me wonder what happened to John though. Sad and empathetic, thoughtful piece
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comments. I’m so glad you commented in such detail, because you highlight the ambiguity of life, which is exactly what I wished to communicate. Perhaps it was for the best – yes, but Mary will never be absolutely sure. Mary wouldn’t have done John any good if she’d struggled to cope – would she? She doesn’t know. And yes, to have a husband who smiles as he gathers roses for you is a great gift. And John. What happened to him? As with many veterans who are badly damaged psychologically by war, he drops out of sight…
With very best wishes
Penny
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My pleasure, Penny. Always interesting, these what ifs, wondering how things works have gone, how we might have copied under different circumstances. Hope you and yours are staying well
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Thank you, Lynn. Yes, I’m fine and so is my wife, Daphne. Isolation is a little lonely – I miss my trip to the shops every day – but all in all it could be a lot worse. I hope you and your family are well and not suffering too much from cabin fever!
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Glad you’re both okay. Yes, we’re fine, thank you. We’re going out for food and walks – carefully, of course – and we’re lucky that we have a garden to sit in. It’s not huge, but we love it. We do count our selves very fortunate. Keep well
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Her touch on the keys was gentle, loving even, as she played her favourite hymn. This line says SO much. This story has peace in it. Very calming.
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Oh, Lish, what a perceptive reader you are! That line is where I started work. I had watched a video of one of my wife’s old school-friends (from over 50 years ago!) playing a hymn on a piano, and I was struck by the spiritual peace of the playing.
Sitting down to write my FF story I didn’t have any good ideas, although I knew that I wanted tell a story where the past was as important as the present. So I wrote that line, and the story just grew around it. The line is unaltered from the first draft – and I hardly ever do that!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
With very best wishes
Penny
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You started from the perfect place.
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I love how not much is said, yet it is a powerful story!
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Dear Nadia
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m pleased you felt the story was powerful.
With best wishes
Penny
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It’s the nature of rainbows to remind us of beauty and also illusions.
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Dear Tracey
Thank you for reading and commenting.
With best wishes
Penny
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Quite a wistful piece, the calm after the storm, time to relax and reflect on her life.
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m interested that you found the piece wistful.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I really like the conciseness of your story, engaging and subtle, touching on bigger themes. Well written.
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Dear Francine
Thank you for reading and commenting so kindly. I’m glad the hinting at broader themes came across.
With very best wishes
Penny
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