Friday Fictioneers – Bum Deal

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!

FF - Bum Deal 200108

PHOTO PROMPT © C E Ayr

Bum deal

The streetlights were yellowed by the onrushing dawn as Tony, groundsman of the Paradiso Marina, parked his scooter in its designated parking bay. He doffed his helmet and strolled to the big campervan. He yawned. It had been a busy night, both profitable, if not strictly legal, and pleasurable, if not strictly monogamous.

Why was the campervan here, by the Sopranos’ mooring? He would have to move them on before nine o’ clock.

He hammered on the door, then noticed the hissing and the smell of gas.

“Shit!”

The explosion of the campervan was heard all over the town.

Inlinkz – click here to join in

48 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Bum Deal

    • Dear Gabi
      Thank you for reading and for your helpful comment. I’m sure you’re right – there isn’t adequate foreshadowing to justify the explosive finale. Changing ‘not quite legal’ to ‘illegal’ would probably help by upping the ante a little. I don’t know – I wasn’t sufficiently focused on what I was trying to do.
      I’m really grateful for your constructive criticism – thank you!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

      • If the Mafia was involved, that would explain a lot, but I wasn’t sure. The name Soprano hints at it, I know there was a TV show, but I never watched it. I suck at pop culture references. Or maybe some enraged mafia spouse…

        Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Brenda
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      Yes, you’re right – the mafia were very annoyed at Tony’s drug dealing on their patch; and his resistance to hints that he should stop immediately!
      I’m glad you found the tale entertaining.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Like

    • Dear Dale
      Thank you for reading and commenting. You’re right – he’s too nice for the explosive end. I needed to have made more of his drug dealing to make it more convincing. Thank you for the very useful constructive criticism – it’s really appreciated!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Bjorn
      Thank you for reading and commenting. You ask a good question. My guess would be illegal drug dealing on someone else’s patch – it’s rather an elaborate assassination for a jealous husband to organise!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Like

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