Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson
Fire!
The hazy sun told the story; bush fires were raging, driven towards Warrnambool by a blistering wind. The kids fidgeted in the car as Judy rushed out with photos and the cat. Bruce chucked the document strongbox into the trunk, then sprinted next door.
“Ain’t no good, I’m stayin’. Eighty’s too old to start again.”
A glowing ember struck the window.
“Goddamit, Sam, get in the wagon!”
Sam’s wife, Alice, was wheezing asthmatically in the choking atmosphere.
Bruce grabbed her and pushed her into the car. Sam followed, protesting.
As they roared away, the rear-view mirror was filled with flame.
No escape from a bush fire, Penny!
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Dear CE
Thank you for reading and commenting. It was a close-run thing, that’s for sure!
With best wishes
Penny
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I loved the detail of Warrnambool (such a lovely name). One suggestion – perhaps if one of them choses to save something less obviously worthy of survival?
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s a good suggestion; something less obviously worthy of survival would make them messier and more human. Perhaps Bruce chucks his fishing rod into the trunk along with the strongbox…
With very best wishes
Penny
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Still utilitarian. You want something like great Aunt Gladys’ bust of Schopenhaur
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Thanks. I’ll have to think more about it. It needs to be emotionally driven, I’m assuming. Difficult to manage without distracting attention from the central plot which is the rescue of the most important things – family and neighbours
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Just a detail in passing, nothing more
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It’s this thing about the significant detail, isn’t it? When you capture that little thing that says so much about a character in an unexpected way, and it makes the writing sing,
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Dear Penny,
I related to photographs and the cat. Those are things I would grab. Not to mention my flash drives that have all of my manuscripts saved to them. I could feel the tension mounting. Not the time to get into a family argument. Well-paced and splendidly written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. In my imagination Bruce and Judy had talked about what to do – and briefed the kids – the day before. They were prepared, insofar as that’s possible. I, too, relate to the cat…
Shalom
Penny
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Not a second too soon. Well told.
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Dear Trent
Thank you for reading and commenting. Just in time! I’m glad you thought the tale was well told.
With best wishes
Penny
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All too real, Penny. I know people who recently went through this experience. Well captured.
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Dear Josh
Thank you for reading and commenting. How awful for your friends – I hope firefighters managed to save their home.
With best wishes
Penny
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The power and destruction of nature, and fire in particular, is frightening and awesome.
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Dear Iain
I’ve never been faced with a big fire, but even a modest fire can be frightening.
With best wishes
Penny
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Awesome read 👏👏
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Dear Narasimhan
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed reading my story.
With best wishes
Penny
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Ah! the bush fire did ambush a lot. It’s said that it says a lot about a person what or who he or she chooses to grab and take along during an emergency such as this.
This was so very apt and hit the nail in the head. Loved this story, Penny
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Dear Neel
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment. I’m delighted you loved the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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You built the tension then took us away to safety! Excellent Penny
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment. Yes, building tension was an aspect I worked on with this story – I’m glad that came across.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I enjoyed how you built this, a all to real story for some.
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Dear Michael
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the way I built the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Great sense of urgency in that one Penny.
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Dear Anurag
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the sense of urgency came across.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I’m glad they got everyone in the car in time. Plus the cat!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad they saved the cat too. If I’d let the cat perish, my own three moggies would never have forgiven me!
With best wishes
Penny
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Panic, fear, a survival urge and defiance all in one short story. Great stuff.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment. I’m glad you enjoyed all the different elements of the story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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How odd! Just before I read this I was thinking of things I would grab in a fire: laptop, kindle, phone and memory stick with work files. Besides obvious things like family who I would have bundled into the car already. I feel like those objects of mine are the stem cells of my life, to rebuild the new one.
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Dear Fatima
Thank you for reading and commenting. The choices that we would each make in such a dire emergency are very characteristic of who we are, aren’t they?
With very best wishes
Penny
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Talk about cutting it close!
Last time the forest fires got too close we had to pack and run. My dh took a box of photo negatives. I took a pile of manuscripts. Otherwise it was just kids and clothes. We could see the fire from our house, but it wasn’t racing towards us.
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Dear Alice
Wow, that must have been scary! I hope the fire missed your house, and everybody was okay!
Thank you for reading and commenting.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Never too old.
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Dear Stu
I agree! And so did Bruce, as he strong-armed Alice into the car!
With very best wishes
Penny
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what a great neighbor bruce was. simply awesome.
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Dear Plaridel
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, Bruce was a man you could count on!
With best wishes
Penny
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You had me feeling the heat. Well done.
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Dear Linda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt the heat!
With best wishes
Penny
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Gripping and so satisfying in the end. Get in the car, dammit!
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Dear Andi
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found the story satisfying. I could hear Bruce yelling at Sam as I wrote!
With best wishes
Penny
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Well done, Penny. I could feel the tension build as it went on. One hopes that what one does want to grab is all in a little neat pile. Which it never is, is it? I’d be a flustered mess trying to assess what is grab-worthy besides kids and pets.
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment. If you’ve saved kids and pets you’ve got what makes life worth living. If you’ve got credit card and phone as well, that’s a bonus. I must confess, I’d hate to lose my photos though!
With best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
My biggest fear is fire. And yes, photos would be up at the top (after humans and pets, of course)
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Excellent. I could feel the tension, wondering if the old man would stay. And the thoughts of what to brings, yes to photos and the cat!
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Dear Sascha
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you could feel the tension. I think Sam would have stayed if Bruce hadn’t dragged Alice to the car…
As regards what to bring, I thought Neil’s comment that the story would be improved by somebody bringing something ‘less obviously worthy of survival’ was an excellent suggestion. How do you feel about that?
With best wishes
Penny
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Penny, I’ve thought about your question today since I read it this morning. And, yes, I could see where something less obvious might be a nice touch, and for some reason I thought of something like that leg lamp in A Christmas Story (if you’ve seen that movie) something that would leave a spouse slightly exasperated, but would have huge importance, sentimental, pride, whatever, for the other spouse. It would be that thing that would lend a touch of humor in a grim situation. The question, of course, is how do you communicate that significance and maintain the tension in 100 words?
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Nice story! 🙂
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Dear Netizen
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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Most welcome, Penny! 🙂
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The kind of emotional person that I am, I would definitely try to save my family or loved ones first. Without any second thought:) I loved your story, Penny
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Dear Piyali
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, family comes first. In fact, better to die with them than live without them I feel.
With very best wishes
Penny
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We are living in an age of disasters. Gaiya’s hypotheses coming true?
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Dear Yarnspinnerr
Thank you for reading and commenting.
The complex web of feedbacks that constitutes Gaia certainly looks set to doom us eventually.
With best wishes
Penny
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Good neighbours with a big car!
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Dear Liz
Thank you for reading and commenting. A big car, and even bigger hearts! Yes it was a good big station wagon Bruce drove.
With very best wishes
Penny
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A great sense of urgency. And what a good neighbour. Saved the cat too.
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Dear Patrick
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt the sense of urgency.
With best wishes
Penny
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I love the way you built the tension and showed us so much about the characters in such a few short words. Masteful writing.
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Dear Russell
Thank you for reading, and for your kind comments. These flash fiction challenges are great for how they make you think about how to convey as much as possible with every word, aren’t they?
With very best wishes
Penny
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Fire can be so unpredictable and with the recent weather it poses a real threat. You worked the tension into this piece well.
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Dear Carol
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt the tension in the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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The rear window full of fire and your closing sentence – both excellent, Penny.
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Dear Jilly
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story and the final sentence.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Life has to start again…
Some incidents are out of our control.
Hope they are insured.
Have a great weekend!
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Dear Anita
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, they’re insured. The policy documents are in the strongbox!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Brilliantly written. Great detail.
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Dear Lisa
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the detail.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Hi Penny,
Very real and well done. We’ve never been that close to a fire but we get there around here most Summers and a few times people have lost homes. I had friends who were in that terrible fireball in Victoria a few years ago, which was hell on earth. I like the concern for the neighbours. We were hit by a hale storm a few years ago and it had peppered holes in the roof and the roain was pouring in and we needed to get everything out, especially the computers. Meanwhile, our son was concerned about the neighbours. I was a bit annoyed at the time, because we were in strife ourselves and I needed his help. However, in hindsight, I’m glad that he was also thinking about others. We ended up with two SES trucks here and volunteers putting up a tarp for us. So thankful. My husband was a t work.
Best wishes,
Rowena
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Dear Rowena
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found the story real. I’m also glad you had help from neighbours when the hailstorm caused such damage. It’s great the way people will pull together in the face of natural disaster, isn’t it?
With very best wishes
Penny
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I love that you added the drama of an 80 year old. I understand how he might feel but no one wants to die in a fire…horrible way to go!
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Dear Dawn
Thank you for reading, and for your very helpful comment about the drama added by the old man. It’s always good to have confirmation that a particular way of writing has been effective.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Brilliant and terrifiying. A true picture of an Aussie bushfire.
I could smell the smoke.
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Dear Laurie
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you thought I’d captured something of an Aussie bushfire.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Such a frightening thing to have to outrun fire. I hope they make it. The tension and fear in this are palpable.
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Dear Sarah Ann
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I’m glad the tension and fear came across. Having to flee a bushfire must be terrifying. My intention when I wrote the story was that they would survive. It was the rear-view mirror that was filled with flame, implying that the fire was behind them, so if all goes well they’ll escape. But I don’t make that explicit, so, as the reader, you’re entitled to make up your own mind!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Beautifully tense and poignant. I feared a worse ending when Sam wouldn’t get in the car, and though the fire in the rear view mirror devastated, the ending was nearly as sad as it might have been. Nicely done!
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