Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them
PHOTO PROMPT ©Jill Wisoff
The girl in the nightclub
The four-piece combo was playing fit to bust, and a girl with black shingled hair was dancing the Charleston. Her cheeks were pink with excitement, her bee-sting lips cherry-red, and her blue eyes flashed as she moved. Her gold dress flickered in the spotlight.
‘Why not?’ I thought, and joined her on the dance-floor.
A heavy hand fell on my shoulder. I turned, ready to move fast. I looked up – and up – and my gaze had still only reached his Adam’s apple. The deepest bass I’ve ever heard rumbled from his seventy inch chest.
“Dance respectfully, bud. That’s my daughter.”
I wondered how she felt about her father running interference. Depending on that, the story branches in different directions
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Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, I agree there is no clear story arc beyond this; it’s a descriptive piece rather than a proper narrative.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Daddy’s girl! he he.. well done! Love the visual!
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Dear Courtney
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the visual.
With best wishes
Penny
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Ha ha – he either paid attention or ran a mile! Great story – I could see the characters very vividly.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Yes, I think most young men would pay attention, don’t you? I’m glad the characters came alive for you.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Just love that description at the start, Penny – you can almost feel the music vibrating through the floor! He needs to watch himself though. Lovely story
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I’m glad you enjoyed the description. As you say, the MC needs to tread carefully!
With very best wishes
Penny
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My pleasure. The poor boy was just distracted by how stunning she clearly is – a mistake many men have made before I’m sure. Vivid writing Penny
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That will stop him in his tracks, best behaviour now! 🙂
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope dad’s presence will just keep him well-behaved and won’t put him off altogether!
With best wishes
Penny
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great story, Penny. Seventy inch chest? That’s BIG
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Dear Josh
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. A seventy inch chest is huge, but not unknown (I checked!). And the man is 6’10” and about 300 pounds, so it’s not disproportionate.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Oh.. that will make you be careful when you dance I think… it can be dangerous to step on her (or her father’s toes)
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Dear Bjorn
Thank you for reading and commenting. You would be careful, I’m sure. On the other hand, her dad doesn’t want to stop her being happy, so provided the narrator’s intentions are strictly honourable he should be fine…
Shalom
Penny
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Dear Penny,
I could just see ad hear this being played out. Daddy’s someone you don’t want to mess with I’d say. This was just the bee’s knees. 😉 .
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the scene ‘lived’ for you. No, you wouldn’t mess with daddy!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I think this girl must have a helluva time finding boys willing to deal with Dad!
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m sure you’re right!
With very best wishes
Penny
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😀
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Ha ha ha. I’m sure he would maintain a 5 mile distance from her from now on 🙂
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Dear Anurag
Thank you for reading and commenting. Well, he’d have to be brave to win her, but who knows? Maybe the narrator is an honest man who will behave decently towards the girl – and if he does, he will have nothing to fear!
With best wishes
Penny
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You described the scene absolutely perfectly. I feel nervous for him!
Welcome to Keith’s Ramblings!
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. Yes, it wouldn’t do for him to try to behave badly with her, would it?
With very best wishes
Penny
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The ending…awesome!!!
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Dear Kasturi
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the ending!
With best wishes
Penny
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Yikes! A seven foot tall boy friend is bad news. But a seven foot dad? Heavens to Murgatroyd! I’d be hightailing it like Snagglepuss!
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Why, Varad! Aren’t your intentions honourable? (Teehee!)
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found my character so intimidating!
With very best wishes
Penny
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This one made me smile. That’s a good father.
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Dear Linda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I agree that he’s a good dad. I can think of one or two girls who would have been better off with a dad like that!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Yeek! Time to nonchalantly sidle off and disappear I reckon. I bet the girl’s getting a bit annoyed with her dad, though 🙂
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Would you really sidle off and disappear? Or would you buy dad a bourbon and talk to him about the New York Yankees until he’s on your side? 😉
With very best wishes
Penny
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hahha.. the boy’s hand could reach only the adam apple. an interesting take on the photo prompt.i loved this creativity
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Dear Deepa,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed my take on the prompt.
With best wishes
Penny
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Oops, sounds like daddy is a very big daddy! Better stay away from the flashing blue eyes and bee-stung lips. Lovely descriptions. I was there on the dance floor with her.
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Dear Jilly
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m so glad you liked the descriptions. I love watching a good dancer dance the Charleston; it seems to me to epitomise the physical joy of living.
With very best wishes
Penny
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You threw us right into the scene, very descriptive. The poor girl, though…
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Dear Gabi
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt I threw you into the scene – that was very much my intention! I’m hoping the young man is both honourable and courageous, and is not put off by daddy – then everybody can be winners.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Classic protective father-daughter tale!
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Dear Shivam
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, the prince has to brave the giant before he can win the hand of his princess!
With best wishes
Penny
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🙂 A very different take.
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Dear Yarnspinnerr
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I really struggled with this prompt. Eventually I thought “This is New York, jazz, nightclubs, dancing, big dudes…” And then the first line popped into my head.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Gorgeously descriptive.
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Dear Lisa
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the description.
With best wishes
Penny
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I guess a father’s protectiveness never ends. I guess he didn’t have to do much except be tall and speak with a deep voice to get his point across. Fun take on the prompt, Penny
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Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, it helps to be big when you’re making a point!
With best wishes
Penny
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I can almost hear him gulping. 😉 Nice one!
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Dear Vinay
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, I think there would have been some hard swallowing for a second or two!
With best wishes
Penny
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Ha! I loved the way he kept looking upwards and still only seeing his adam’s apple. Great way of showing the immense physical presence the father has. A well-crafted descriptive piece. I hope if the young man is sincere, that he is not put off by this.
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Dear Fatima
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed the way I showed the father’s imposing physical presence. It would be nice to think that the young man is sincere!
With very best wishes
Penny
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A very descriptive piece, I could picture the scene and hear the music playing. I love the sudden change in emotion when her father grabbed his shoulder. Well-done! =)
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Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I’m glad you liked the change in emotion when the father laid his hand on the lad’s shoulder.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Such wonderful descriptions – bee-sting lips and only reaching his Adam’s apple. With her pa looking on, and with such a deep voice, this lad is only going to be respectful in everything.
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Dear Sarah Ann
I’m glad you enjoyed the descriptions. Yes, I don’t think the lad would dare be anything other than respectful!
With best wishes
Penny
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Oooooo crap! Love the look up. Great story
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Dear Laurie,
Thank you for reading and commenting. When I turned round in my imagination and saw this guy…whoah!
With best wishes
Penny
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Last line says it all. loved it! I can picture her as being my Gran. I’ve seen pics of her dressed similar back in the day. A lovely image for this Mom’s Day, too! 🙂 ❤
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Dear Jelli
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment. How nice that the story reminded you of your Gran!
With very best wishes
Penny
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Haha..I love it!
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Dear Dawn
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the story entertained you!
With best wishes
Penny
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Great visual and audio descriptions!
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Every boys worst nightmare,
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Penny, you’ve done such an excellent job at creating the atmosphere and then to have Dad be so scary and yet not scary. Well done!
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Dear Sascha
Thank you for reading and commenting so kindly.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Great descriptions which capture the moment perfectly. I know my daughter would go berserk if I did anything like that though
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Dear Michael
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yeah, young folk don’t like interference in their personal lives!
With best wishes
Penny
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Vivid and entertaining story – so visual, great last line.
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Dear Francine
Thank you for reading and commenting. I spent literally hours agonising over the prompt. Eventually I thought, “Bother it. NYC has nightclubs, nightclubs are fun and lively” and the whole scene just came alive in my mind. I could see it as though it was happening right there. It’s funny how that happens sometimes, isn’t it?
With very best wishes
Penny
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Nice story 👍
We always run into conundrum with a beautiful girl because there is always a heavy weight guardian flexing his muscles !!
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Dear Narasimhan
Thank you for reading and commenting. The young man need fear nothing from the heavyweight as long as he remains respectful!
I hope I have your name right, by the way.
With best wishes
Penny
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You got my name right 👍
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