Friday Fictioneers – The girl in the night club

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them

FF - The girl in the night club 180509.png

PHOTO PROMPT ©Jill Wisoff

The girl in the nightclub

The four-piece combo was playing fit to bust, and a girl with black shingled hair was dancing the Charleston. Her cheeks were pink with excitement, her bee-sting lips cherry-red, and her blue eyes flashed as she moved. Her gold dress flickered in the spotlight.

‘Why not?’ I thought, and joined her on the dance-floor.

A heavy hand fell on my shoulder. I turned, ready to move fast. I looked up – and up – and my gaze had still only reached his Adam’s apple. The deepest bass I’ve ever heard rumbled from his seventy inch chest.

“Dance respectfully, bud. That’s my daughter.”

71 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – The girl in the night club”

    • Dear Susan
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      Yes, I think most young men would pay attention, don’t you? I’m glad the characters came alive for you.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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    • Dear Josh
      Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. A seventy inch chest is huge, but not unknown (I checked!). And the man is 6’10” and about 300 pounds, so it’s not disproportionate.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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    • Dear Bjorn
      Thank you for reading and commenting. You would be careful, I’m sure. On the other hand, her dad doesn’t want to stop her being happy, so provided the narrator’s intentions are strictly honourable he should be fine…
      Shalom
      Penny

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    • Dear Anurag
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Well, he’d have to be brave to win her, but who knows? Maybe the narrator is an honest man who will behave decently towards the girl – and if he does, he will have nothing to fear!
      With best wishes
      Penny

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    • Why, Varad! Aren’t your intentions honourable? (Teehee!)
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found my character so intimidating!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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  16. Dear Ali
    Thank you for reading and commenting.
    Would you really sidle off and disappear? Or would you buy dad a bourbon and talk to him about the New York Yankees until he’s on your side? 😉
    With very best wishes
    Penny

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    • Dear Jilly
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m so glad you liked the descriptions. I love watching a good dancer dance the Charleston; it seems to me to epitomise the physical joy of living.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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    • Dear Gabi
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt I threw you into the scene – that was very much my intention! I’m hoping the young man is both honourable and courageous, and is not put off by daddy – then everybody can be winners.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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    • Dear Yarnspinnerr
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      I really struggled with this prompt. Eventually I thought “This is New York, jazz, nightclubs, dancing, big dudes…” And then the first line popped into my head.
      With very best wishes
      Penny

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I guess a father’s protectiveness never ends. I guess he didn’t have to do much except be tall and speak with a deep voice to get his point across. Fun take on the prompt, Penny

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  26. Ha! I loved the way he kept looking upwards and still only seeing his adam’s apple. Great way of showing the immense physical presence the father has. A well-crafted descriptive piece. I hope if the young man is sincere, that he is not put off by this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Fatima
      Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed the way I showed the father’s imposing physical presence. It would be nice to think that the young man is sincere!
      With very best wishes
      Penny

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  28. Such wonderful descriptions – bee-sting lips and only reaching his Adam’s apple. With her pa looking on, and with such a deep voice, this lad is only going to be respectful in everything.

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  30. Last line says it all. loved it! I can picture her as being my Gran. I’ve seen pics of her dressed similar back in the day. A lovely image for this Mom’s Day, too! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Dear Francine
    Thank you for reading and commenting. I spent literally hours agonising over the prompt. Eventually I thought, “Bother it. NYC has nightclubs, nightclubs are fun and lively” and the whole scene just came alive in my mind. I could see it as though it was happening right there. It’s funny how that happens sometimes, isn’t it?
    With very best wishes
    Penny

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