Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © JS Brand
Note
The International Commission against Impunity in Guatemala, or CICIG, is an international body charged with investigating and prosecuting serious crime in Guatemala. It is particularly concerned with rooting out corruption.
Playing Hard Ball
Lilian, immaculate in white blouse and cherry-red pencil skirt, sat waiting as Hilmar Benitez crossed the bar of the Hotel Henry Berrisford to join her.
She slid a business card across the table.
“’Personal Assistant to the Interior Minister’? I want the organ-grinder, not the monkey.”
“This is not a negotiation. Have you spoken to CICIG?”
“No. But without we reach an agreement, I certainly will.”
“That wouldn’t be wise.”
“I know enough to gaol the minister for life!”
Lilian rummaged in her handbag. There was a muffled report.
Hilmar slumped back, crimson trickling from the hole between his eyes.
So… no negotiating, then.
I really liked this, Penny.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the story.
Lilian wasn’t bluffing!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Penny,
No, she definitely was NOT. No messing with the likes of her.
Have a fabulous day,
Dale
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nobody likes a braggat
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Neil
Thank you for reading and commenting.
It’s true what you say!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Wonderfully and artistically written, as always. Thanks for the new words and phrases ‘ … the organ grinder and not the monkey’ being one. 🙂Looks like Hilmar is in trouble, himself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Moon
Thank you for reading and commenting so kindly. I think, actually, that Hilmar’s troubles are over – at least in this world!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure.🙂 I went back and found it now. Thanks, Penny.🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Han shot first.” Sorry. Just popped into my head.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. I don’t think Hilmar expected a shooting war at all…
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Penny,
He should’ve been listening more closely. As some might say here, “Lillian don’t play.” Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. Hilmar was always doomed I fear!
Shalom
Penny
LikeLike
That was an unexpected end Penny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Louise
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found the end unexpected.
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Phew! He should have kept his mouth shut! Nicely done, Penny.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Susan
Thank you for reading and commenting. He certainly should have kept his mouth shut – or gone to CICIG perhaps, if he was feeling brave!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
The sort of Personal Assistant that takes very good care to protect her boss!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Yes, indeed! A post with handsome remuneration, but not necessarily terribly permanent!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! A perfect thriller tone for this gripping tale – realy well done. Love the terse dialogue, the tension, Lilian’s femme fatale image . Would love to know more about the story around this – what has the minister done? Loved it
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting.
You don’t know how much you’ve just encouraged me! Yesterday I picked up my thriller again, and started trying to improve it to publishable standard. Starting with the structure…uurrrgh; I find that so hard! Your comment makes me believe that maybe I can deliver a thriller – thank you so much!
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 3 people
Oh, structure – my bug bear too! You may be heartened by the fact I read recently that it’s something most writers struggle with – we can write beautifully but structure contains something almost mathematical in its construction, hitting the right heights at the right time. Do persevere – I’m sure you’ll get there. I just thought the tone of this was perfect for the genre – the sparse, tense prose, the intrigue, the telling details. Really good. All the best, Penny – I hope the rewrite goes well
LikeLiked by 2 people
Nice! I really did not expect that finish. Methinks he pushed too hard in his negotiations. There’s always the option to “liquidate” difficult problems. Loved this one, Penny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear EagleAye
Thank you for reading, and for such a lovely comment. I’m delighted that you enjoyed it so much.
Your comment has encouraged me! Thank you!
LikeLike
Perfect title for this! I love how it got right to the point (so to speak).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Dawn
Thank you for reading and commenting. I think if Hilmar had realised it was hardball he might have stayed away!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is one way of not negotiating… I guess that the minister can continue a while more…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Bjorn
Thank you for reading and commenting. It would seem that such scenes are not unknown in Guatemala. The ministers haven’t gone to gaol yet.
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Well, now, seems he knew a little too much. Good one! 🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jelli
I hope you’ve recovered from the flu?
Thank you for reading and commenting. I have to agree with you – he knew too much!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Thanks, Penny, and yes, I’m feeling 100% better… just a little sniffle left over and withdrawal from cough syrup,
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was truly surprised by the ending! Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Alicia
Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you especially for letting me know that you found the ending a real surprise; it always helps to know what has worked – and what hasn’t!
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Like a scene from a movie – great tale, fantastic ending! Nice one Penny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Keith
Thank you for reading, and for such a nice comment!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oops. Don’t mess with Lilian 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Messing with Lilian in the context of her work is extremely unwise. Out of work, though, she’s a pussy cat!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
That Penny is one tough lady. Great story 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Linda,
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, Lilian is one tough cookie – and totally committed to her boss!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my goodness. Penny/Lillian. Oops 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Linda
I’m not quite as ruthless as Lilian!
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oooooo I really liked this! She certainly is efficient. I wanted more of this
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Laurie
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m delighted that you enjoyed the story so much. I’m doing a major re-write of a thriller novel in the hope of making it good enough for publication, so your comment is very encouraging!
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Penny!! That is wonderful. Keep us updated, I’d love to read it 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have a great way with words. Your story pulled me in. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Cecilia
Thank you for reading, and for your very kind comment. I’m glad my story pulled you in!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
poor guy! it looks like she’s somebody you can’t mess around.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Plaridel,
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Well, he was a blackmailer who would turn a blind eye to corruption and murder if the price was right, so I think he deserved what he got!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
No room for doubt on that one. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Sascha,
Thank you for reading and commenting. No there’s no room for doubt at all!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great tale. Loved the last two lines.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Yarnspinnerr
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
wow, what an sudden end…I´m shocked! Better not to cross her ways!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear anie,
Thank you for reading and commenting. No, Lilian is a dead-shot, and totally ruthless. She’s a nasty piece of work!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
fearsome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
the starting note really helped – knowing the CICIG – and the action here pulled me in (to want more of the story) – liked the play on reds too
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear prior
Thank you for reading and commenting. Especial thanks for your mention that the starting note was helpful. And I’m so pleased you noticed and enjoyed the play on reds!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
I like this thriller tone going on here. It was unwise to threaten her boss. Busting corrupt ministers takes time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Fatima
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you like the thriller tone. You’re right; Hilmar was very rash threatening the minister!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Thank you for the introductory note it helped set the tone. I loved the terse quick action in this scene but I did feel that a dialogue tag somewhere would have made who was speaking clearer. I had to read twice and then the comments got me distracted as I think someone observed that he was the corrupt one while I guess she is the one shielding the corrupt minister. Or did I get it wrong? Also I think there’s something off in the fifth sentence?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Dahlia
Thank you for reading and commenting in such detail; I really appreciate the time you spent on it. When I was writing the story, I considered whether I needed one or more dialogue tags, and decided against. However, I need to reassess in the light of your comment. It would make things clearer, but reduce the terseness of the dialogue. On the other hand, if the dialogue is so terse that readers don’t follow it, then it’s not working properly.
Just in case you’re still in doubt, the interior minister is corrupt; Lilian is a hitwoman who works for the minister; and Hilmar is a blackmailer who is threatening to tell CICIG details of the minister’s corruption. So, they’re all corrupt!
In the fifth sentence, are you referring to ‘but without we reach an agreement..’? If so, I used ‘without’ rather than ‘unless’, thinking it would be more in keeping with the character. I could well have been wrong; Hollywood gangster-speak is unfamiliar territory for me!
Once again, thank you so much for your helpful remarks.
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Penny for clearing that up – I didnt register that Hilmar is a blackmailer too. But I should have perhaps I got distracted with the ‘without’ – I am clearly not familiar with gangster language 😀 I will admit though that if it had been ‘unless’ things may have been more obvious – which is not necessarily a good thing. Thanks Penny for being such a sport 🙂
LikeLike
Poor Hilmar. Lilian seems like a no-nonsense kinda lady. I can easily see this tale ending with her getting her own way with pretty much everything 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Urban Spaceman
Thank you for reading and commenting. I must confess I have little sympathy for Hilmar. He should either have gone straight to CICIG, or kept his mouth shut. Blackmailing a corrupt minister in Guatemala is a mug’s game!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very nice story, you said so much in a few words. I was immediately drawn in! =)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Brenda
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the story drew you in.
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hilmar’s cockiness and greed cost him his life. I really liked the way you presented Lilian; she reminds me of Charlize Theron’s character in Atomic Blonde.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Magarisa
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, Hilmar was a greedy and stupid man, up against a ruthless and ultra-competent woman.
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure, Penny. You fit two mini character sketches and a murder into 100 words – bravo! 😊
LikeLike
From the very beginning, I was pretty sure she was not a woman to be messed with. Little did I know! Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jan
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, you don’t want to mess with a woman who power-dresses as ostentatiously as Lilian!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Ouch. I could picture this scene as it unfolded. Poor, naïve Hilmar. Nicely done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Doucette
Thank you for reading and commenting. Hopefully Hilmar never felt a thing…
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
Oops! He might as well have painted a target on his forehead. Nice one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Subroto
Thank you for reading and commenting. As you say, Hilmar was really asking for trouble!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLike
There’s so much said in your short 100 words. And, everything else that was said before me. This is what happens when you arrive late to a party. ha ha Well done …
Isadora 😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Isadora
Thank you for reading and commenting. All comments are gratefully received!
With best wishes
Penny
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very well crafted story – so tense, not a word wasted. A mini-thriller, with gorgeous visual detail.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Francine
Thank you for your very kind words. I’m glad the ‘thriller’ element came through!
With very best wishes
Penny
LikeLike