“What Pegman saw” is a weekly challenge based on Google Streetview. Using the location provided, you must write a piece of flash fiction of no more than 150 words. You can read the rules here. You can find today’s location on this page, from where you can also get the Inlinkz code. This week’s prompt is Pico Duarte, Dominican Republic.
Genre: Historical Fiction, c.1505 A.D.
Word count: 150
What Pegman Saw – Most Precious
I went by night to our chieftain. Like the Spaniards, his house was stone. It smelt odd.
“Sir, must you send Agueybana to work in the goldmine?”
I gave him my sweetest caresses, an evening of delights.
“I will speak to Don Ortiz. Agueybana will be fine. He’ll be back in a few weeks.”
Months passed. The King of Spain commanded that the best miners, Agueybana among them, were to work in the royal mine.
“Agueybana will be rewarded when his service is complete,” promised our chieftain.
I could bear our separation no longer. I set off by night, through trees. Creatures barked and howled and slithered in the darkness. I walked for seven days and nights, eating only fruit and drinking water from streams.
At last, scrambling over shattered rocks, I saw my beloved gazing out over the valley.
“Anacaona?” he gasped, and held me tightly in his arms.
This story has a novel’s worth of longing, romance, and intrigue!
One question–where she “I gave him my sweetest caresses, an evening of delights”–was that the chieftain (to extract information), or Agueybana (as a flashback)? I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret it. I couldn’t even decide which way I liked it better, but I was curious.
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Dear Karen
Thank you for reading and commenting. Feedback like yours is very helpful in improving my writing.
I’ve tried to cram too much into this story!
Anacaona was trying to use sexual favours to persuade the chieftain not to send Agueybana to the goldmine. Of course, she didn’t succeed!
With very best wishes
Penny
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That’s the way I took it first! When I re-read it, I second guessed it. I think you did an ambitious amount of storytelling quite effectively.
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I picked up on that. It’s hard to portray a complex story in so few words. I try always to put as many clues in as I can and generally avoid broad descriptions. It’s taken a while to get a feel for micro stories, though. I like this one a lot.
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Dear Josh,
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.
I was trying to squeeze in too much, I think. Before writing, I read a little about the Spanish system of ‘forced labour’ – I put it in inverted commas because it wasn’t entirely out and out coercion, and it certainly wasn’t slavery; the theory behind the system seemed to be mutual benefit, with the indigenous people being ‘civilised’. The Spaniards administered the system through the local chieftains. So I tried to convey a little of that by having the chieftain in a stone house, with a strange smell symbolising the change in the man, who is no longer embedded in the traditions of his people.
I was over-ambitious, but what the heck! If you don’t try you’ll never know!
Thanks once again
Penny
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I was sure she was giving favours for favours…
Those poor Indigenous never stand a chance…
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Dear Dale
Thank you for reading and commenting – and especially for letting me know that you understood that she was giving favours for favours. You’re so right that the indigenous peoples never stood a chance.
With best wishes
Penny
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At least she found him, and survived the long trek to get there. I doubt Agueybana would’ve been fine. Most died in those mines, worked to death. I’m just hoping they ran away together.
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Dear EagleAye
Thank you for reading and commenting. I, too, hope they found happiness together.
With best wishes
Penny
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uhhh, calculating sexual favors … bad start, but good end ….or is it not the end?
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Dear Anie
Thank you for reading and commenting. It may not be the end, because the overall story of the discovery and colonisation of Haiti is full of drama and tragedy. There’s matter for novels in it!
With best wishes
Penny
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so we will see if you write a sequel…: )
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The quest for a beloved could consume a thousand candles and vanquish countless savage beasts.
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Dear Righteousbruin9,
Thank you for reading and commenting. Human love can indeed perform miracles of endurance.
With best wishes
Penny
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Never trust anyone who accepts sexual favours…they can’t be trusted. All good books tell you that 😀
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Dear Lyn
Thank you for reading and commenting.
You are so right about a man who accepts sexual favours – but what else did Anacaona have with which she could bargain?
With best wishes
Penny
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I thought the Chieftain wouldnt be too keen on having Agueybana back. Or possibly he was the one who offered the information to the King about Agueybana being a good miner and had him sent away? Lot’s of possibilities here Penny! And loved the evocative descriptions of her travels through the jungle. But if i may add I did find it a bit odd that when she finds Agueybana he is gazing over the valley. I would have thought him to be hard at work underground and at night it would be too dark to see anything. But it’s just a thought 🙂
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Dear Dahlia
Thank you for reading and commenting so carefully. You really thought about this story, and I’m so grateful. I had the same thoughts about the chieftain, but Anacaona only had her physical charm with which to bargain, so it was that or do nothing.
I can see what you mean about Agueybana, but I had this image of him standing looking wistfully in the direction of home, thinking of Anacaona and missing her really intensely – and suddenly she’s there! I’ve looked into the night like that when I’ve been away on business; I just looked, saw nothing, but felt a lot.
With very best wishes
Penny
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I also think that it does not matter here if they meet above the earth. You wanted to be brief and this moment probably describe the best the happiness they feel.
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Ahh okay! Thanks for taking time to share your process. And often I do find myself to be too practical 🙂
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Intrigue, romance and royal commandments. Great story!
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Dear Lavanya
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment!
With best wishes
Penny
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true love find its way!
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Dear Anie
Yes indeed, true love finds its way!
With best wishes
Penny
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: )
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Dear Penny,
I read this three times and then the comments. It makes sense although it is a pretty ambitious story for 150 words. Nicely written in any case.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Thank you for spending so much time reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt it makes sense. It’s a lesson learned for me not to be over ambitious in a piece of flash fiction. I might have another try at the subject in a longer format.
Thank you for being so generous with your constructive criticism.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Oh how beautiful, and sweet, the trials she endured, the tortures he must have endured… brings to mind a quote from Maya Angelou: “Love recognises batters. It jumps all hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
This story topped up my hope. For that, I thank you, Penny.
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Dear Kelvin
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the story topped up your hope. That’s a lovely thing for you to say!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I read it that she was trying to win her lover’s freedom with her own body – and your story shows how much she loves him too, not only giving sexual favours but walking for so long, eating so littlem risking so much just to be with him. But what will they do now? Escape? Will she be forced to leave him or will she choose to stay and be by his side. A well written history lesson and a story of a huge love.
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting so thoughtfully. You’re right; the story leaves one with many questions. Scope for a novel, even! I might try an expanded version of a few thousand words, if I can find the time.
With very best wishes
Penny
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My absolute pleasure 🙂
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Phew, I was expecting a tragic ending. Sounds like the chieftain is well in with the Spanish, what with his new stone hut and all 🙂
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the ‘happy’ ending was a surprise.
The Spaniards used the local chieftains to control the indigenous population in something close to slavery.
With best wishes
Penny
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Your story is gripping. Love your description of the creatures at night. wasn’t sure how it would end. Phew – happily.
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Dear Francine
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad that you found my story gripping. I was particularly pleased that you mentioned the description of the creatures by night. As you know, in flash fiction description is usually pared to a minimum to leave room for narrative – but in this story I was determined to include that description of the creatures. And you noticed – Yay!
With very best wishes
Penny
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I really like your writing style here. Very tight and efficient. Well done. 😀
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Dear JM Williams
Thank you very much for reading and for your appreciative comment.
I see from your blog that you’re a published writer of fantasy. I’m just completing a long short story in that genre, that I’m publishing on my blog as a serial (last episode to be published next Monday!). I’d be very interested to have your opinion on it. This week’s episode is here https://pennygadd51.wordpress.com/2018/01/22/the-bridefarers-choice-part-8/
With best wishes
Penny
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I’ll look at the first part. Sure. 🙂
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