“What Pegman saw” is a weekly challenge based on Google Streetview. Using the location provided, you must write a piece of flash fiction of no more than 150 words. You can read the rules here. You can find today’s location on this page, from where you can also get the Inlinkz code. This week’s prompt is Tel Saki, Syria.
A Present for ISIL
“Go kill me a terrorist,” said the armorer as he kissed the smart bomb.
Nizar watched his son, Hussain, as his football ricocheted off the bullet-pocked walls of their block of flats. His wife, Amena, had shooed them out while she fed the baby. Nizar glanced at the sky, clear, pale blue, and empty of warplanes.
He shuddered as he remembered last night’s encounter. He’d gone downstairs just as masked men with guns barged into the lobby. He’d tried to hide, but one of the men called, “Nizar. Say nothing of this. We know where you live.” Quaking, he had obeyed.
The warplane rocketed off the flight deck. Twenty minutes to target.
Nizar heard the plane.
“Hussain, come now!”
“Aw, Dad!”
Hussain turned away and chased his ball. Nazir followed.
“Now, Hussain!”
The rubble of their home pursued them as it collapsed under the shattering blow of the smart bomb.
A well written story Penny, but the casualties of war make for disturbing reading, and as you depicted so accurately, it’s the innocent victims that suffer.
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Dear Ivor
Thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful comment. You’re right that it’s disturbing reading. I make no apology for that; it’s intended to disturb. Time and again in recent years, the USA and the UK have carried out air strikes against ISIL and others, with the inevitable civilian casualties.
BTW I tag my blogpost ‘Dark Story’ or just ‘Dark’ when it deals with potentially distressing topics like this. If you look at the top left of this post you’ll see what I mean.
Thank you once again for responding so thoughtfully.
With best wishes
Penny
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Dear Penny,
Alas there are too many innocent bystanders in war. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Shalom
Penny
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Horrifyingly true to life, Penny. The split between the family and the bomb / bomber’s eyeview works well, the contrast between ordinary family life and the blind, unthinking acts of war. Always someone caught in the cross fire, even with a ‘smart bomb’. Tragic, but beautifully done
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m grateful for your appraisal of the writing, because I was experimenting by having the dual points of view, and it’s great to have confirmation that the device worked.
With very best wishes
Penny
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It definitely did, Penny – that cold calculation compared to the human cost. Worked very well
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Wow. This is a horrifying story. Drones fly over to deal death from above, hovering and constant. It’s like a sniper having you in the crosshairs, with the added terror of taking out all who surround you. There are never ethics in war, but these days it’s become impersonal. All pretense at honor or legality are thrown to the winds. Nicely told, Penny.
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Dear Josh
Thank you for reading and for your comments. It’s a horrifying story, and to all intents and purposes a true one. For the last couple of decades it’s been happening all over the Middle East with your nation and mine at the heart of the destruction.
With best wishes
Penny
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The baby’s last meal- the thought itself is devastating.
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Dear Righteousbruin9
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Yes. It is.
With best wishes
Penny
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You’ve captured such nuance in the contrast of the bomber’s blindness and the tragedy that barrels toward the family. So many important things said in a masterfully written piece.
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Dear Karen
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comments. I tried especially hard with this piece. The topic is one that is very close to my heart.
With best wishes
Penny
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Cleverly written from different viewpoints. Captures the horror of the war and the brainwashing of the vulnerable-turned-terrorist well.
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Dear Lavanya
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I hope you don’t mind me clarifying a point. Nizar was not a terrorist at all. He was a decent man trying to provide food, shelter and safety for his family. When gunmen brought weapons to his block of flats, he was helpless. If he had tried to stop them he would have been shot. If he had betrayed them, his family would probably also have suffered. He took no active part in planning or carrying out violence, unlike the gunmen, and unlike the warplane and those who sent it.
With best wishes
Penny
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Oh oh. Let me read it again.
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That’s a scene that’s been played out far too many times. I feel sorry for Hussain, chasing his football amidst ruins. I do hope they survived the blast. A beautifully told story.
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Dear EagleAye
Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.
I’m not quite sure whether I wish them to have survived or not, since the other family members are certainly dead. If both survived, I guess positive. If only one – well, there’s always hope, but what an appalling situation to be in.
With best wishes
Penny
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“Go kill me a terrorist,” said the armorer as he kissed the smart bomb.
The rubble of their home pursued them as it collapsed under the shattering blow of the smart bomb.
The balance and counter-balance of the first line and the last are just perfect. You caught war in the headlights. Well done.
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Dear Alicia
Thank you for the lovely comment. You are a writer whose work I admire and enjoy, so your praise means a great deal to me.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Thank you and back atcha’!
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Dear Penny
You paint such a happy picture of home life, only for it to be shattered so brutally. Your central theme is made well. The distinctive beginning, middle and end re-inforce this.
With very best wishes
Kelvin
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Dear Kelvin
Thank you for reading and commenting so thoughtfully. It means a lot to me that you took the trouble to analyse what I was striving for in this story. As an aside, you mention ‘a happy picture of home life’. Syria is about as close to hell on earth as there is, and yet you’re right, people manage to be happy there.
With very best wishes
Penny
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The real lesson for us all… maybe… 🙂🙏🏻
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the last line surprised me that it went right into collapse – but it was a fitting end – and up until that you depicted how living in a war zone is mixed with – um – trying to live – i.e. feeding the baby – playing – etc.
and my thoughts are for peace with Syria too – nice fictional piece for awareness
🙂
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Dear Prior
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad your thoughts are also for peace in Syria.
With best wishes
Penny
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A grim tale of real life in some countries. Well done!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and for your sensitive comment. Real life is indeed grim in Syria and Yemen, and other places, and yet human love persists. Babies are born and fed, and small boys play football in shattered streets.
With best wishes
Penny
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Reblogged this on Reblog Mixtape.
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Penny,
I bounce around the blogosphere taking in a good deal of creative writing, and I can easily say that this is the strongest piece I have come across in quite a while. It belongs in a bound edition. I hope it finds its way into a collection on a shelf.
Shaken AND stirred,
Dan
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Dear Dan
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I am enormously flattered by your kind remarks. I’m glad that you were shaken and stirred. If my story convinced even one person that war is always futile and must always be opposed, I would be more pleased than if it appeared in a bound edition.
With very best wishes
Penny
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