Recently, my Friday Fictioneers post “Trapped!” left the main character covered in blood and stuck on a mudbank in the middle of the river. Several readers asked what happened next – so I have extended “Trapped!” into a 2000 word short story. And, right at the very end, you will discover what happened to the man who was trapped!
Trapped! – long version
All the teachers knew they had to keep Donald and Lee apart in class. Donald would whisper taunts at Lee, until Lee lost his temper and lashed out. Lee would steal Donald’s things and hide them, and then deny, face open and innocent, that he knew anything about them. Oh yes, those two boys were trouble alright.
As they passed through their teenage years, matters became worse. The two fights they had were only the most obvious symptom of their animosity. Lee broke Donald’s ankle with a sliding tackle on the football pitch. Donald knocked Lee out with a bouncer on the cricket pitch, concussing him and putting him in hospital.
Even so, as they matured they learned to conceal their dislike. The teacher who ran the Cadet Force claimed the credit. ‘Army discipline,’ he bragged, ‘make ‘em understand there’s something bigger and more important than both of ‘em.’ And perhaps he was right, for when Donald was made sergeant, Lee was an exemplary corporal under him.
When they both fell in love with the same girl, everybody expected the worst. Sue’s long, wavy hair was fair, with coppery tints, her eyes were large and cornflower blue. Her smile, warm, open and friendly, nevertheless hinted at secret delights. The two lads courted her assiduously.
Donald, whose parents were well-to-do, dressed smartly and took Sue to expensive restaurants. Heads turned as they entered; waiters were attentive; they were a power couple.
Lee, unable to use wealth as a lure, shared his knowledge of the countryside with Sue. They crouched by the river at dawn to see otters play, and Sue was dazzled by the brilliant blue flash of a kingfisher. One magical evening, they watched silently as a vixen raided a duck’s nest, swimming back and forth from island to shore carrying the eggs carefully in her mouth, bringing them one by one to her cubs.
By the time Donald went to university that autumn to study engineering, he had lost. Lee and Sue were engaged.
On the day of the wedding, Lee’s dad took him on one side.
“You’ll need a better wage than I can pay you now, lad. Had you thought you might need to change your job?”
Lee shook his head. “I’m sure we’ll manage. It wouldn’t seem right to leave you to cope with the business on your own.”
“It’s about time I retired, son. Do you fancy taking on the business yourself? I’ve money put by, and your mum and I would enjoy having some more time to ourselves. Anyway, you think about it.”
It wasn’t a difficult decision. Lee took over the business.
It was tough, trying to make enough profit from a small car repair business. At Sue’s suggestion they specialised in four wheel drive vehicles. As their reputation grew, customers came from miles around, but it still wasn’t enough.
He heard through the grapevine that Donald had started his own civil engineering business.
“Making a packet, he is,” said the man in the pub.
Next day, one of his customers, Mr Coombes, asked “I wonder if you could handle the sale of my car?”
“We don’t sell cars, just maintain them,” replied Lee.
“But you have contacts. I bet you know everybody within forty miles with a four-by-four. I’d make it worth your while.”
The documentation seemed in order, and Coombes was prepared to pay ten percent of the selling price. Lee shrugged. “Why not?” he thought. And it was easy. He sold the vehicle within hours. Money for old rope.
A few weeks later, Coombes told him that he’d recommended Lee to a friend with a car to sell.
“Same terms?” confirmed Lee, and they shook hands on the deal.
The Old Manor House came up for sale. Way out of Lee’s price range, of course, but he heard a rumour that Donald was making enquiries.
It was when Coombes brought him a third vehicle ‘from a friend’ that Lee felt misgivings.
“Look, are these things – well, ‘dodgy’ in any way?”
“Ask no questions and you’ll be told no lies. You’ve got the documents, and what they say matches the VPN and the licence plate.” Then the man stroked his chin, and said, “Obviously I have a source for these cars, and of course I’m making money out of the deal. Just to set your mind at rest, they’re repossessed vehicles. They fetch much more sold like this than at auction”
Lee looked him in the eye.
“I want fifteen percent. It’s not worth the risk for less.”
They made the deal. There were plenty of cars. Lee had a showroom added to his premises and took on a full-time salesman. After two years of this, Lee felt financially secure enough to take a holiday.
And then Donald showed up. He was looking over a nearly-new Range Rover.
“Good afternoon,” said Lee, baring his teeth in something that was almost a smile.
“You seem to be doing well. Congratulations.” Donald smirked like the small boy who had goaded Lee twenty years before.
“Thank you. From what I hear of your business, you hardly need to buy second-hand vehicles.”
“I need something for my personal assistant. This looks like a good deal. Is it kosher?”
“All my vehicles are meticulously inspected and maintained before I offer them. I’ve built my reputation on it.”
“Ah, but are they yours to sell? That’s the big question isn’t it?”
Lee nodded in the direction of his office.
“I’ll show you the documentation.”
“Documents can say anything, old lad. Tell me does the name ‘Coombes’ mean anything to you?”
Lee froze, then nodded once again towards his office.
This time, Donald walked with him over to the office. Lee closed the door.
“You see, I know Geoff Coombes rather well.” Donald looked down at his solid gold cufflinks, fiddled with them, admired them. “He’s told me some very interesting facts about the provenance of your cars. Facts that would interest the police rather a lot, I fancy.”
“I have acted in good faith in all my business dealings.”
“Oh, I very much doubt that. Acting in good faith would surely require you to show a little more interest in where your stock originates, wouldn’t you say? Besides, good faith or not, those cars are stolen and can be reclaimed by their original owners. How are you going to recompense the poor people who bought and paid you for them?”
“What do you want?” Lee ground out the words through gritted teeth.
“Well, for starters, five hundred pounds a month, in cash. And don’t be stupid enough to take it out of the bank; use cash that people have paid you – we don’t want regular transactions alerting the police.”
“Five hundred a month is nothing to you. Why are you even bothering?”
“It’s less than nothing to me – but not to you.” Donald’s smirk grew broader. “It will give me pleasure to think of you working hard in order to pay me something I don’t need. And I want something else as well. Something that you have, that should have been mine, should always have been mine. I want Sue.”
“She won’t go to you.”
“Oh, but she will, Lee, she will. She’s smart. When I tell her about the shaky foundation of your business, she’ll know exactly what her refusal would mean. Prison, probably, for you. Penury for her.”
He glanced around the office. “Nice furniture. What about a scotch from that handsome drinks cabinet? No ice, please.”
As Lee poured the drink, Donald continued, “It’s not as though I want Sue full-time. The Honorable Fiona Tremayne – whom I marry in the New Year – would object, I fancy.” He chuckled, slack-jawed. “No, all I require is that she makes herself available sexually when I require her.”
He drained his glass.
“You’ll pay me the first instalment next Monday, and you’ll bring me a letter from Sue confirming that she wants to make love with me.”
Lee’s face went white. He balanced on the balls of his feet, and his hands rose a little. The vileness of Donald’s proposal to degrade his wife, the woman he loved, choked him. He would die before he allowed that.
Abruptly, Donald said, “Enough of this. You know this area better than I do. Where and when can we meet discreetly?”
Lee thought for a few minutes.
“You know out on the Fernicross road, that old building on Convicts’ Creek?”
“Well, nobody goes there; we’d be completely safe. Make it 4:30 in the morning, and we’ll meet nothing on the roads.”
Donald drained his glass, and held it up to the light.
“Nice,” he observed, squinting at the crystal tumbler. “OK. Don’t be late.”
It was misty at 3 a.m. that Monday, as Lee drove down the lane on the bank opposite Convicts’ Creek. He parked out of sight of both road and river. The backpack he took from the trunk was nearly empty, and he slung it onto his shoulders. He left he suitcase containing a change of clothes where it was.
He had a small dinghy with an outboard moored nearby. He didn’t use the motor, though – too noisy; he rowed, with the rhythmic stroke of a man who was used to it, albeit a little tight with tension, a little hurried. The mist was patchy in the pre-dawn greyness. The tide was just starting to ebb, but he’d have no problems returning; there was a channel meandering from the creek that would take a dinghy like his at any state of the tide provided the helmsman was careful.
He ran the dinghy up beside the building, and glanced at his watch. 4 a.m. He’d best go cautiously, although Donald wasn’t the kind of man to enjoy the early morning. Lee grinned, mirthlessly.
No. There was nobody there. He settled himself close to the entrance, checked the plane tickets and passport in his backpack, and took out the knife. It was a wicked implement with a nine inch blade, one edge razor sharp, the other edge serrated. His breath came fast, in little spurts. He listened intently.
4:30 came – and went.
A blackbird started to sing.
Lee wanted to go and look at the road, look at the water, see if Donald was in sight. “Stay put,” he told himself. “Surprise is essential.” He tried breathing deeply and rhythmically. It helped a little.
A robin, and then a chaffinch joined the dawn chorus.
Five o’clock came. The light had grown pinkish; it was almost sunrise. “Damn Donald!” thought Lee. The tide ebbed fast.
Footsteps! Crunching on pebbles! Why hadn’t he heard the car approach?
The door swung open, and Donald’s smirking face confronted him.
Lee hesitated for a moment; only a moment, but he saw Donald’s eyes widen with shock as he spotted the knife. Rage reared inside him, like an out-of-control stallion. Snarling, he hurled himself forward, burying the blade in Donald’s abdomen, then pulling upwards with all his might, sawing with the serrated blade.
Blood gushed from the wound. Panic bloomed on Donald’s face, and then faded. He tried to speak, but only blood came from his mouth. Lee saw Donald’s eyes go dim, then roll up into his head. He pulled out the blade, looked with consternation at the damage it had done – and then ran.
It was pointless, Lee knew, but he paused to wash his hands and the knife before climbing into the dinghy.
He tugged at the cord to start the motor. Nothing. He swore, and tried again. A splutter, but that was it. He looked to the heavens, rosy with dawn, in supplication. He tried once more, and the motor started, misfiring at first, and then speeding as he wrenched the throttle wide open.
Lee’s heart stammered and raced like the outboard motor of the dinghy. The clean, dawn air was polluted by the stench of petrol and blood.
All he needed to do now was get back to the car, wash, change clothes, and drive to the airport.
There was a thud, and the boat stopped.
Hell! He was trapped by the falling tide!
* * * *
Sue reported Lee missing that evening. The longer he was absent, the more distraught she became.
Donald’s colleagues reported him missing a couple of days later. Police found someone who’d seen his car near Convicts’ Creek, and it didn’t take them long to find the body.
They found the bloodstained dinghy, too, and traced it to Lee. They discovered his car on the far bank, with the suitcase.
The police dragged the river, but without much hope; the estuary’s mudbanks were notorious for being quicksand. They found nothing.
At Donald’s inquest, the coroner recorded a verdict of ‘Murder – by person or persons unknown’.
And that was that.
Sue sold the business, and the house, and lodged with Lee’s parents.
Twelve months later, she transferred all her money to a bank in Panama, and flew there discreetly.
Waiting for her at Tocumen Airport was a familiar figure.
“My dear, sweet love, how I’ve missed you!” sighed Lee, as he kissed her. “Welcome to our new life!”
7 thoughts on “Trapped! (long version)”
Such engaging writing! I was completely engrossed in your story
Oops, sent my comment before I was finished. I really like the fact that the three main characters were neither heroes nor villains – very believable. The end caught me by surprise … I didn’t think Sue was in on it. Very well done.
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Thank you for your lovely, encouraging comment. I’m really pleased you liked the characters, because creating such characters was one of my objectives in writing the story.
With very best wishes
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You’re most welcome. I tend to have a short attention span; the fact that your story held my attention the whole time I was reading it says a lot.
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the reader is satisfied with this story, because he has symphatie with Lee. He is the one who loves the nature is romantic takes time.Donald is just looking for some short fun and money….
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I liked the characters aswell, surprising end, great story!
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the characters, and that the end surprised you!
With best wishes