I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone with this week’s story, set in Cordoba, Argentina!
“What Pegman saw” is a weekly challenge based on Google Streetview. Using the 360 degree view of the location provided, you must write a piece of flash fiction of no more than 150 words. You can read the rules here. You can find today’s location on this page, from where you can also get the Inlinkz code.
There’s a Note
Inspector Herrera lifted the body and winced. The young woman had driven the knife so violently into her chest that the blade emerged from her back.
“There’s a note, sir.”
The handwriting was firm, towards the end almost scoring through the paper.
“Antonio,
Don’t you remember those summer nights of laughter? When La Barra played cuarteto and we danced?
Don’t you remember how we stood tall with courage and won the respect of your parents?
Don’t you remember how we became one, body and soul?
Don’t you remember?
You have betrayed my love! And for whom? For that slut Maria!
I will not live without you, Antonio; and I curse you. Not to be impotent, and your whore barren; no, you will have children – but you will bury every one of them.
And now I die, taking the first of your bastards in my body to the grave.”
Bitter, dark and beautifully written. Kudos to you for stepping outside your comfort zone.
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Thank you so much, Karen! I was a little apprehensive.
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I like that last line. Feels authentic!
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Thank you, Josh. I appreciate your comment.
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A vividly very powerful and haunting piece.
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Dear Ivor,
Thank you for reading, and for your very kind comment.
With best wishes
Penny
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For some reason, I had a feeling she was pregnant. Frankly, I think she should have done in Antonio and Maria.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. You were very astute to realise she was pregnant!
All the best
Penny
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Dear Penny,
Grim and well written.
Shalom
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Passion can be joyful, but when it fails the bitterness and rage can be violent, don’t you think?
Shalom
Penny
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Thanks for stepping outside your comfort zone. This is sad, poignant and very well done. Kudos.
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Dear Alicia
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment.
With best wishes
Penny
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Penny – interesting take and I read the comments too (that is always fun) and Ivor had the word for me — the vibe at the end was haunting – well done.
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Dear Prior
Thank you for reading and commenting. I had been planning to write a love story for Pegman, but when I saw that the location was South America I couldn’t resist attempting tragic passion – so I’m afraid my story was only loosely based on the prompt!
With best wishes
Penny
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😉
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Jeez, that’s a dark journey, Penny. As Karen said, well written and accomplished, a tragedy and yet I can see a further story opening up here, perhaps the case wil lodge in Herrera’s head, forcing him to investigate further, untwist the story that took the girl to this end. Nice write
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting. You make a very interesting suggestion about a further story in which Inspector Herrera investigates and untwists this story. I suspect that my take on that would be that Herrera was driven by his own demons – perhaps something about the girl’s appearance reminds him of an early love that he never got over. Anyway, he’d be gunning for Antonio…yes, here’s plenty of scope for a novel.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Definitely, Penny! Herrera would have his demons as you say and perhaps this case could be too close to his own story for comfort. Perhaps he had a sister in the same predicament … Intriguing possibilities
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Clever ending
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Dear Grumpy
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the ending.
With best wishes
Penny
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Pretty gruesome imagery. Nice!
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Dear Ali
Thank you for reading and commenting. The gruesome imagery is to emphasise the emotions felt by the victim – thwarted passion, destruction of self-esteem, and rage against the person who has rejected her.
Best wishes
Penny
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I think Penny that you should step outside your comfort zone more often! This is such a gripping chilling write and perfectly believable. Initially I was a bit skeptical about how she could drive a knife through herself but by the end of her note I could well believe it – the fury, the pain the anguish! Superbly done Penny 🙂
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Dear Dahlia
Thank you for such a wonderful comment! I’m so glad that you found the emotions believable. I’m a cerebral person rather than an emotional one, and I had to reach back fifty years to find the rawness that drove this story.
With very best wishes
Penny
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Venom drips from her words. Raw emotions raging, then calming, leading to clarity of purpose. As one finds at the end. huge clap on the back, Penny, for attempting something different and making it come alive.
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Dear Kelvin
Thank you very much indeed for reading and commenting. I’m delighted that you thought the story came alive.
With best wishes
Penny
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