Every week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (thank you, Rochelle!) hosts a flash fiction challenge, to write a complete story, based on a photoprompt, with a beginning, middle and end, in 100 words or less. Post it on your blog, and include the Photoprompt and Inlinkz (the blue frog) on your page. Link your story URL. Then the fun starts as you read other peoples’ stories and comment on them!
PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot
Trapped!
Lee’s heart stammered and raced like the outboard motor of the dinghy carrying him to safety. The clean, dawn air was polluted by the stench of petrol and blood.
He’d almost given up. Donald had been late. Then the first greyness had lightened the eastern sky, and the man’s smirking face confronted him. The light had made it harder; it made it personal; but Lee had driven home the knife, twisting it savagely. Donald had struggled, retching out his life through clenched teeth.
There was a thud, and the boat stopped.
Hell! He was trapped by the falling tide!
Thriller! I wonder how you managed to create a racy story from such a serene prompt. Lovely!
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Hi Fluid Phrase!
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Murder takes place in beautiful places as well as slums, and serene surroundings can hide desperate secrets!
With best wishes
Penny
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“serene surroundings can hide desperate secrets” such a lovely comment. And very true.
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Trapped – That’s life. Clever one
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Dear Bryan
Thank you for reading and commenting. Just think; if he’d been a bit more savvy about tides and the time of day, he’d have been clean away!
All the best
Penny
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Can he swim, or is he stuck there until the police arrive? Great thriller with a bit of dark humour.
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Dear Iain
Thank you for reading and commenting.
If I were Lee, I’d try and make it to shore, but I wouldn’t reckon the chances were good – that mud is sticky! And even then, his car’s on the other side of the estuary. I think he’ll be nicked.
All the best
Penny
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Oops! Foiled.
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Varad. Lee should have looked where he was going, shouldn’t he?
All the best
Penny
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AS others have said – a thriller! It’s like I’ve opened a novel part way through, the pages falling open at the thrilling denouement of a slow-build tussle between good and evil, though whether your MC is good or bad … Very tense, taut piece of writing
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Dear Lynn
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s kind of you to say it’s thrilling. Of course, every reader can have their own back story. Mine is that Donald is blackmailing Lee, who decides to murder him. But it’s not cold-blooded; Lee has a real hatred of Donald, which is how he’s able to knife him so viciously even when he can see the man’s face.
With best wishes
Penny
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You sounds as if you know their history intimately – are these characters you’ve written about before, Penny? Wondering what Donald did you enrage Lee so much. Dread to think. It’s a great read 🙂
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No, I’ve not written about these characters before, but I usually have some back story for my characters. It helps to keep me consistent!
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Yes, you’re right. Good to have some clue of where your characters have come from – even if you’re not sure where they’re going!
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So much for a clean or semi-clean getaway.
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Dear James
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, Lee really should have looked where he was going!
All the best
Penny
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Dear Penny,
I’d say that Lee’s in a mell of a hess. I liked that his heart ‘stammered.’ Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’d say your summary of Lee’s position is about right. If he stays in the boat he’s almost certain to be caught, and if he climbs out there’s a good chance he’ll get stuck in the mud. And serve him right!
Shalom
Penny
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Now he’s in for it!
Mine is here: http://www.aliceaudrey.com/?p=15360
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Dear Alice
Thank you for reading and commenting. As you say, Lee’s in for it – and richly deserved!
All the best
Penny
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Try explaining that to the coastguard, then.
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Dear Sandra
Thank you for reading and commenting. Well, I suppose he could try ‘What blood? Oh! This blood! I…er…killed a rabbit – well, several actually – well, I threw them out of the boat to…to…lighten the load…”
No, maybe not!
All the best
Penny
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Stupid criminal – take 2. Love it.
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Dear Jelli
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
With best wishes
Penny
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I did, really. Was running so kept words short.
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Great take on the prompt. There was a palatable tension in this.
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Dear LLDL
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you felt there was tension in the story.
All the best
Penny
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A tasty snippet from a deliciously dark backstory. Well done.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Dear Keith
Thank you for reading, and for your very kind comment.
All the best
Penny
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That was unexpected! Good take.
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Dear Liz
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found it unexpected.
With best wishes
Penny
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Definitely different take–which I enjoyed. It’s hard to know if Donald had it coming to him, but most smirkers do. (What a judgment, right?) Getting stuck makes it sound like Lee really didn’t think this through or wasn’t an experienced boater.
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Dear Sascha
Thank you for reading and commenting. I pictured Donald as a vicious blackmailer.
All the best
Penny
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Hmmmm….and what has Lee done to deserve blackmailing?
Btw, I would think a piece like this could find a home in a flash fiction journal.
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What has Lee done to deserve blackmailing? Something pretty nasty, I fear.
Do you really think this might be suitable for a flash fiction journal? Do you have one in mind? It’s not something I’d really thought about. Thanks for the compliment, though!
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I really think that this story and this style of writing is very attractive to flash fiction journals. I haven’t kept up with the market in years. Here is a list of the top ones. You might look at what they publish. Many go beyond the 100 words so you could add a few words, but I certainly wouldn’t add many. The ambiguity in your story works well.
https://thejohnfox.com/flash-fiction-submissions/
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yikes this was too much for me after just had lunch – ouch (but well done Penny – the succinct action was felt)
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Dear Prior
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I’m sorry if the action was too graphic.
All the best
Penny
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😊
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I like these murders that backfire on the killers. Good karma, gives one a sense that there is justice one way or another. Well written story, Penny.
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I suppose it is justice, in a way. Lee is trapped because he committed the murder. He’s in a turmoil of anger and horror – frankly, I’d hate to feel what he’s going through – and that’s why he messes up the getaway. He’s an experienced boatman – he’d never make a mistake like that normally.
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Racing story on such a serene prompt. Nicely done.
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Dear Lavanya
Thank you for reading and commenting.
The prompt reminds me very strongly of an estuary close to me. There are all sorts of sinister creeks running out from the main channel!
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Oh, how I would love to know the back story on this one!
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Dear Linda
Thank you for reading and commenting.
What a sweet comment! Perhaps I should turn this into a proper short story, as I know most of the back story already.
With best wishes
Penny
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Serves him right. I wonder how he’ll get out of this one.
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Dear Irene
Thank you for reading and commenting. I think Lee is stuck figuratively as well as literally!
All the best
Penny
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Well he took out Donald, eliminating that threat, but now finds himself in quite a mess. I want to know what happens next. Great story!
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Dear Amie
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m delighted you want to know what happens next!
All the best
Penny
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A thriller at super speed. 👍
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Dear Namrata
Thank you for reading and commenting.
With best wishes
Penny
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Lee is definitely for it, now; snookered by the falling tide. I enjoyed that mini-thriller. You managed to pack in a lot in a few words. Well done!
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Dear Sarah,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed my mini-thriller!
With best wishes
Penny
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Wow! That was neatly done. I enjoyed the thrilling action and amazed that you managed in so few words. Very well done Penny.
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Dear Dahlia
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found the action thrilling. The photoprompt looked very like an estuary near where I live. I’ve always felt there was something sinister about some of the creeks there, so the story was a good chance to express some of that apprehension!
With very best wishes
Penny
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